The Social Network
by funnycakes
Summary: In between tennis matches, the princes of tennis go on facebook and social networking sites to ventilate on personal issues. lots of spamming each other on the internet, trolling, making jokes, and crack. Chapter 16: fantastic creatures
1. Ryoma Echizen

**f a c e b o o k**

* * *

><p><strong>Ryoma Echizen<strong>

* * *

><p>Studies at Seishun Academy<p>

Lives in Tokyo, Japan

From Tokyo, Japan

Knows English, Japanese

Born on December 24

* * *

><p><strong>Education and Work<strong>

* * *

><p><span>High School<span> Seishun Academy

* * *

><p><strong>Philosophy<strong>

* * *

><p><span>Favorite Quotations<span>

Mada mada dane.

* * *

><p><strong>Sports<strong>

* * *

><p><span>Sports I Play<span> Tennis

* * *

><p><strong>Activities and Interests<strong>

* * *

><p><span>Activities<span>

Tennis

Sleep

Karupin

Interests

Tennis

Sleep

Karupin

Japanese food

Soda

Listening to music

Science and English

Other

Seishun Academy

Fanta/Ponta

Fila

US Open

All Star Junior Tennis League

Mada mada dane

Karupin

* * *

><p><strong>Basic Information<strong>

About Me Mada mada dane.

Relationship Status Single

Sex Male

Interested in Women

* * *

><p><strong>Networks<strong>

Seishun Academy

All Star Junior Tennis League

* * *

><p><strong>Contact Information<strong> Don't contact me.

* * *

><p><strong>Friends (986)<strong>

Nanjiro Echizen

Momo Takeshi

Sadaharu Inui

Kaoru Kaido

Eiji Kikumaru

Takashi Kawamura

Kunimitsu Tezuka

Shuichiro Oishi

Shusuke Fuji

Horio Satoshi

Sakuno Ryuzaki

Kato Kachiro

Mizuno Katsuo

_See More_

* * *

><p><strong>Family<strong>

Nanako Meino (Cousin)

* * *

><p><strong>Photos (4612)<strong>

Ryoma Echizen Photos

Ryoma's Photos (37 photos)

**cat stole my camera.**

(17 photos) updated 1 month ago

Description: see title

Tagged in album: Karupin, toy, tennis ball

126 people like this.

**Random stuff**

(12 photos) updated 2 months ago

Description: stuff that people were bugging me to put up. Tag yourself.

Tagged in album: Karupin, Momo Takeshi, Eiji Kikumaru, Inui, Kaidoh, Tezuka, Syuusuke Fuji, Takashi Kawamura, Horio, Sakuno Ryuuzaki, Kevin Smith, Ryuuzaki sensei, Inui's special vegetable juice

316 people like this

**Profile Pictures**

(8 photos)

Tagged in album: Ryoma Echizen, Karupin, Momo Takeshi, Sakuno Ryuuzaki, Seigaku Tennis Team

Photos Tagged of Ryoma (4575 photos)

* * *

><p><strong>Videos<strong>

Ryoma's Videos (1)

karupin plays tennis

uploaded five months ago

Videos Tagged of Ryoma (174)

ryoma squeaks mada mada dane

uploaded four days ago

LMAO WATCH THIS

uploaded four days ago

what happens when you inhale helium

uploaded four days ago

_see more_


	2. cat stole my camera

**Ryoma Echizen Photos**

* * *

><p>Ryoma Echizen's Photos<p>

**cat stole my camera.**

_By Ryoma Echizen (Albums) _

17 photos

updated 1 month ago

Tagged in album: Karupin, toy, tennis ball

126 people like this.

Like Comment

* * *

><p>Comments:<p>

Momo Takeshi LMAO even echizen's cat plays tennis.

August 3

* * *

><p>Eiji Kikumaru<p>

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOOK AT CHIBI'S CAT AHAHAHA HE'S SITTING ON THE BALL AHAHAHA

August 3

* * *

><p>Ryoma Echizen<p>

…shut up

August 3

* * *

><p>Eiji Kikumaru<p>

I CAN'T BREATHE

August 3

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

oh no eiji u okay? i'm going over to ur house

August 3

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

i can breathe again. sorry oishi...

* * *

><p>Momo Takeshi<p>

cat's taking a crap LMAO

August 3

* * *

><p>Kaoru Kaido<p>

You take a crap every time you open your mouth.

August 3

* * *

><p>Shusuke Fuji<p>

^lol nice one. You have a cute cat echizen!

August 3

* * *

><p>Kaoru Kaido<p>

Thanks fuji senpai.

August 3

* * *

><p>Momo Takeshi<p>

KAIDO WTF DID YOU JUST SAY? DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT OR SOMETHING? YOU CAT LITTER!

August 3

* * *

><p>Kaoru Kaidoh<p>

Cat litter? WTF? That's your face moron.

August 3

* * *

><p>Momo Takeshi<p>

!#$$%%!%

August 3

* * *

><p>Kaoru Kaidoh<p>

Echizen, give momo a litter box, he's spewing all sorts of crap

August 3

* * *

><p>Ryoma Echizen<p>

… hey guys, stop spamming my fb…

* * *

><p>Momo Takeshi<p>

KAIDO I'M GONNA KILL U TOMORROW

August 3

* * *

><p>Kaoru Kaido<p>

Bring it on pussy.

August 3

* * *

><p>Momo Takeshi<p>

!

August 3

* * *

><p>Kaoru Kaido<p>

Ooh exclamation points, I'm so scared

August 3

* * *

><p>Shuichiro Oishi<p>

Guys, stop fighting on echizen's fb!

August 3

* * *

><p>Echizen Ryoma<p>

… thanks senpai

August 3

* * *

><p>Momo Takeshi<p>

Sorry senpai. I'll just smash kaido's ass during practice.

August 3

* * *

><p>Takashi Kawamura<p>

YEAH MOMO BURNING!

August 3

* * *

><p>Momo Takeshi<p>

Wow that was random.

August 3

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

I'm surprised that Kawamura can type while holding a tennis racket.

August 3

* * *

><p>Kawamura<p>

I TYPE WITH ONE HAND! BECAUSE I'M BURNING!

August 3

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

… I'll have to record that.

August 3

* * *

><p>Horio<p>

How did Echizen's cat know how to use his camera? Wow Echizen you have a smart cat.

August 3

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

Oh sure it was the cat that took the pictures. right Kaido?

August 3

* * *

><p>Kaido<p>

I don't know what you're talking about.

August 3

* * *

><p>Eiji Kikumaru<p>

EHHHHHH? So Echizen doesn't have an alien cat that can do everything like play tennis and take pictures of himself?

August 3

* * *

><p>Ryoma Echizen<p>

Guys get off my facebook.

August 3

* * *

><p>Eiji Kikumaru<p>

NO. Why should we?

August 3

* * *

><p><strong>Momo Takeshi<strong>

YEAH ECHIZEN WHY SHOULD WE

August 3

* * *

><p>Ryoma Echizen<p>

Mada mada dane.

August 3

* * *

><p>Keigo Atobe<p>

Echizen, I'm impressed by how you managed to quiet your team members with three words that at first glance seem to be completely irrelevant to the situation but at the same time managed to fill your friends with such awe that they obeyed you without further question. In ten years maybe your prowess will rival mine.

I have a spotted Himalayan as well. Only of course it's of a higher pedigree and more well bred than yours. Ne, Kabaji?

August 4

* * *

><p>Kabaji<p>

Usu.

August 4

* * *

><p>Sanada<p>

Wow atobe… August 4

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

Oh Sanada… you're just jealous that I outshined you in tango class last week. No one can beat my tango towards destruction. Ne Kabaji?

August 4

* * *

><p>Kabaji<p>

Usu. August 4

* * *

><p>Jin Akutsu<p>

WTF

August 6

* * *

><p>Jin Akutsu<p>

you tennis people are fcuking crazy

August 6

* * *

><p>Dan Taichi<p>

Senpai, language desu!

August 6

* * *

><p>Jin Akutsu<p>

Fcuk u

desu.

(and stop stalking me on fb ur not my mom)

August 6

* * *

><p>Tezuka<p>

You all need to have your guard up.

August 7

* * *

><p>Jin Akutsu<p>

WTF?

August 7

* * *

><p>Dan Taichi<p>

I think Tezuka senpai means we need to be careful about what we post on facebook desu.

August 7

* * *

><p>Jin Akutsu<p>

Like I give a fcuk.

August 7

* * *

><p>Karupin<p>

!#$%%^#!$%%!$#% NYAH NYAH NYAHHHH NYAH NYAH NYAHHHHH

August 7

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

HOLY !#$% Echizen's cat has a facebook?

August 7

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

OMFG Echizen's cat just told us to all do ourselves in cat language!

August 7

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

Eiji, I didn't know you could speak cat…

August 7

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

Hehehehee :3

August 7

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

my data isl incomplete.

August 7

* * *

><p><strong>Renji<strong>

It's okay Inui! We can work on it together

August 7

* * *

><p>Horio<p>

Echizen your cat has a facebook?

August 7

* * *

><p>Horio<p>

I friended him but he rejected me!

August 7

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

Me too!

August 7

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

Me 3!

August 7

* * *

><p>Kaoru Kaido<p>

I'm friends with him.

August 7

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

HA, you made the cat's facebook and friended yourself. LAME.

August 7

* * *

><p>Kaido<p>

I DID NOT.

August 7

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

Yes you did.

* * *

><p>August 7<p>

Kaido

R U ACCUSING ME OF LYING?

August 7

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

Yes.

August 7

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

GUYS! It doesn't matter who made echizen's cat a facebook profile and who's friends with echizen's cat on facebook! The only thing that matters is getting through nationals and playing tennis!

August 7

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

AWWW OISHIIII! Now I feel bad… I'll stop stalking Echizen's cat on facebook Oishi and concentrate on my tennis and our double formations from now on!

August 7

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

As long as you know Eiji.

August 7

* * *

><p>Horio<p>

But why does Echizen's cat have a facebook?

August 8

* * *

><p>Keigo Atobe<p>

Even my true bred doesn't have a Facebook. Echizen's cat… truly a formidable rival. Ne, Kabaji?

August 8

* * *

><p>Kabaji<p>

Usu.

August 8

* * *

><p>Kawamura<p>

ECHIZEN'S CAT! BURNING!

August 8

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

My data on Echizen's cat… none. I still have a long way to go.

August 8

* * *

><p>Renji<p>

It's okay Inui, let's stalk Echizen's cat together!

August 8

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

Renji!

August 8

* * *

><p>Renji<p>

Inui!

August 8

* * *

><p>Jin Akutsu<p>

What a bunch of gay circus freaks.

August 8

* * *

><p>Takashi Kawamura<p>

SAYS THE GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE AN ALBINO RACCOON ON STEROIDS. BURN!

August 8

* * *

><p>Karupin<p>

Word.

August 8

* * *

><p>Dan<p>

That's mean desu!

August 8

* * *

><p>Dan<p>

Did Echizen's cat just say word?

August 8

* * *

><p>Akutsu<p>

They won't be laughing after I cut their heads off with their tennis rackets.

August 8

* * *

><p>Takashi Kawamura<p>

HA AS IF YOU COULD. BURNING.

August 8

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

Kawamura, do you always hold a racket while on the computer

August 9

* * *

><p>Takashi<p>

Huh? What r u talking about?

August 10

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

… never mind

August 10

* * *

><p>Nanjiro Echizen<p>

WOW I can't believe a cat photo can have so many comments. The only time I saw so many guys commenting on a fb photo was when a woman posted a photo of herself topless.

August 14 9:41 pm

* * *

><p>Sengoku<p>

TOPLESS WOMAN? WHERE?

August 14 9:45 pm

* * *

><p>Nanjiro Echizen<p>

I'll send you the link hehehe.

August 14 9:46 pm

* * *

><p>Sengoku<p>

LUCKY!

August 14 9:52

* * *

><p>Sengoku<p>

Thanks Echizen's dad!

August 14 10:01 pm

* * *

><p>Nanjiro Echizen<p>

No problem :)

August 14 10:01 pm

* * *

><p>Ryoma Echizen<p>

Dad get off my fb.

August 14 10:05 pm


	3. Show me your balls!

a/n This is a new chapter 3! Replaced the old chapter 3! If you didn't read it, don't worry about it. Enjoy and RR! :)

**chapter 3  
><strong>

**show me your balls!**

**... mada mada dane  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>f a c e b o o k<strong>

* * *

><p>Ryoma Echizen Photos<p>

**Random stuff**

**By Ryoma Echizen (Albums)**

(12 photos) updated 2 months ago

Description: stuff that people were bugging me to put up. Tag yourself.

Tagged in album: Karupin, Momo Takeshi, Eiji Kikumaru, Inui, Kaidoh, Tezuka, Syuusuke Fuji, Takashi Kawamura, Horio, Sakuno Ryuuzaki, Kevin Smith, Ryuuzaki sensei, Inui's special vegetable juice

316 people like this

**Photo 1/12**

Tagged in this photo: seigaku tennis team, show me your balls, mada mada dane

514 people like this

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

LMFAO I can't believe u put this up

September 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SHOW ME YOUR BALLS

* * *

><p>EIJI<p>

I CAN'T BREATHE

September 4

* * *

><p>Kevin Smith<p>

Ryoma, why the fcuk r u and ur tennis team wearing tshirts that say "show me your balls"?

September 4

* * *

><p>Kevin Smith<p>

Is this some Japanese ritual that I don't know about … Japanese guys telling other guys to show their balls

Wow I'm SO glad I'm not Japanese.

September 4

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

Kevin, u obviously don't have a sense of humor. It's a tennis joke DUH!

September 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

Wow I can't believe KEVIN didn't get it! I thought he was good at tennis!

September 4

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

Nah ryoma beat him. I guess only people who aren't ryoma's ass wipes will get such a good pun.

September 4

* * *

><p>Kawamura<p>

OH BURNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

September 4

* * *

><p>Fuji<p>

That was a good one momo haha

September 4

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

IKR? I'm so endowed

September 4

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

And not just in that department! HAHAHAHAHA GET IT?

September 4

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

UGH what is wrong with me? I'm just too funny!

September 4

* * *

><p>Kevin Smith<p>

… okay I think I know who came up with the tshirt slogan…

September 4

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

And whatever you're thinking, you're right! It was me! B/c I'm the funniest, strongest, manliest, and most tennis loving bastard in the world! Damn right

Though to be fair, ryoma did come up with the back slogan

September 4

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

…mada mada dane

September 4

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

Yeah that one! HAHAHAHA GET IT? On the front it says "show me your balls" and then we turn around and the back says "mada mada dane"

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GET IT? Show me ur balls! And then MADA MADA DANE! LMAOOOOO

O wait, you're American. Mada mada dane means You've got a looooonnnng way to go.

So basically it's,

SHOW ME YOUR BALLS  
>.<p>

.

.

You've got a long way to go.

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

September 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU'VE GOT A LOOOOOOOOOOONG WAY TO GOOOO

HAHAHAHA  
>September 4<p>

* * *

><p>Kevin<p>

I'm so dying with laughter right now.

September 4

* * *

><p>EIJI<p>

YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE! OISHI I CAN'T BREATHE I THINK I'M DYING

September 4

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

Momo, I'm never going to forgive you if Eiji dies.

September 4

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

I'm so funny I think I'm going to kill myself.

September 4

* * *

><p>Kevin Smith<p>

Please go right on ahead, don't let me stop you.

September 4

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

^5

September 4

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

That's so mean ryoma, I thought I was your best friend

September 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

I thought I was!

September 4

* * *

><p>Horio<p>

WHAT? I'm obviously ryoma's bff, I knew him for MORE THAN TWO YEARS!

September 4

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

SO HAVE WE!

September 4

* * *

><p>Horio<p>

Oh right…

September 4

* * *

><p>Karupin<p>

Ur all wrong. I'm ryoma's bff to the fcking forever

September 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

GASP. Karupin, you said FCUK! WTF bad cat nya!

September 4

* * *

><p>Dan Taichi<p>

What's WTF desu?

September 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

Welcome to facebook!

September 4

* * *

><p>Dan<p>

Oh cool I didn't know that desu! I'm going to say that to everyone I friend on facebook now desu!

September 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

Oh wait u shouldn't

September 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

It's more polite to say STFU. that's facebook for Seriously Thinking of Friendship with U.

September 4

* * *

><p>Dan<p>

Ooh I get it desu! That's so cool desu!

September 4

* * *

><p>Dan<p>

Eiji senpai, STFU desu!

September 4

* * *

><p>Akutsu<p>

Yeah eiji STFU

September 4

* * *

><p>Dan<p>

Oh Akutsu senpai you too desu? STFU desu!

September 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

September 4

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

Eiji stop it! Dan, don't believe anything eiji says. If you use those acronyms with people you friended, they're going to defriend you right away.

September 4

* * *

><p>Dan<p>

Ohh… tell me that sooner desu…

September 4

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

Eiji… :-I

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

WTF Oishi!

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

Eiji!

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

I meant Why the Face Oishi! Duh… k I'll stop now….

Sorry Dan… I'll give you a free show me your balls tshirt!

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Dan<p>

No thanks eiji senpai, I already got one from momo senpai

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

But mine's autographed by the chocolates!

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Dan<p>

Um who are the chocolates desu?

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

Only the greatest jpop girl band EVER!

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Dan<p>

You told the greatest jpop girl band to show you their balls even though they're girls and don't have balls desu? And they gave u an autograph anyway desu? Wooow desu…

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

… yeah

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

Lmao that's not what happened!

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

If I remember correctly, Momo made a last minute change to momo's shirt. He switched momo's shirt from "show me your balls" to "show me your boobs." And Eiji was oblivious and met the Chocolates wearing that shirt.

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Gakuto<p>

LMFAO Eiji. How did they react?

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

Their reaction was strangely mellow. One of the girls said, "Maybe in ten years little boy." Another girl said, "If you pay me." And the other two just laughed. For a really long time.

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

NOT Eiji's finest hour. LMAO

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Gakuto<br>ROFL

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

Haha it was kind of funny

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

Ew gakuto stop stalking me! And oishi! You're supposed to be on my side!

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

I am on your side. Just not when… you have on a shirt that says, "show me your boobs." Lol

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Gakuto<p>

LMAO

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

o shitcakes that was a good one oishi senpai. mad props.

* * *

><p>Fuji<p>

haha now tezuka's the only one on the team who doesn't have a sense of humor ;)

* * *

><p>Tezuka<p>

Keep your guard up.

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

OISHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Akutsu<p>

That's what you get for lying to children. Punk.

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

OH GROSS AKUTSU'S A PEDOOOOO

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

GASP so that's why you like ochibi so much…

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

OMG and you secretly want a smyb tshirt so you can show it to little boys on the street! HENTAI! Where's the facebook police, there's a pedo hentai on ochibi's facebook!

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

Eiji when you get beat up by Akutsu for saying that, I'm afraid I can only stand by and watch and haul you to the hospital afterwards.

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Akutsu<p>

It's okay Oishi. He lived a sheltered life, which is why he's so immature. As an adult, I can only be the mature one and let him say what he wants.

And then beat him up in a dark alley.

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

AHHH HELP I'm going to be raped in a dark alley by a pedo hentai albino raccoon on drugs, he said it himself! FB POLICE WHERE R U!

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

That's it Eiji, you are BANNED FROM FACEBOOK

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

NOOOO You can't do this to me.

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

Oh yes I can. I just changed your fb password. You're not getting it back until never.

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

I mean until you apologize to Akutsu for calling him names and insulting his looks, apologize to Dan for lying to him and exploiting his naivete, apologize to Ryoma for embarrassing him by making him a victim of pedophilia, and apologize to the facebook police for the false alarm when they need to be rescuing other victims of facebook abuse elsewhere.

And until after all your midterms are over.

Sept 4

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

Guys, I know by now Eiji can't access his facebook, but for future notice… save the sprama for someone else's facebook wall. Or I'm never posting anything on fb again.

And eiji, I know you can't see this right now but...

mada mada dane.

Sept 5

* * *

><p>Sakuno<p>

What's sprama ryoma kun?

Sept 5

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

Sprama is a term first coined by Echizen Ryoma to describe the amount of spam and drama he receives on his facebook profile in 1 hour of facebook time. It is notoriously connected to the "show me your balls" incident, which occurred when Echizen Ryoma posted a picture of the entire Seigaku Tennis Team wearing T-shirts that said "Show Me Your Balls" on the front and "Mada Mada Dane" on the back. For more information on "show me your balls," please visit our wikipedia page. ()

Sept 5

* * *

><p>Sakuno<p>

…thanks inui senpai!

Sept 5

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

That's clever echizen. As expected of the prince of tennis. But "show me your balls" tshirts are inferior compared to my "I am King" boxer shorts. If you want to see a picture of it, you have to go to my Atobe is King album on my facebook page. There's a picture of my finely shaped ass and the words I am King printed on it. It's hard to miss. Eh, Kabaji?

* * *

><p>Kabaji<p>

Usu.

Sept 5

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

Think I'll pass.

Sept 5

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

Your loss.

Tezuka do you want to see it? I'll message the link to you. Maybe it'll inspire you to let your guard down. Na, Kabaji?

Sept 5

* * *

><p>Kabaji<p>

Usu.

Sept 5

* * *

><p>Tezuka<p>

I don't think it will. But thank you, Atobe.

Sept 5

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

By the way, how did you get Tezuka to wear that Tshirt? It sounds difficult. But then again, I got Sanada to wear a ballerina leotard as cosplay for our Tango class performance. So, I am still king.

Eh, Kabaji?

* * *

><p>Kabaji<p>

I…can't…stay awake… signing off FB…usu.

* * *

><p>Sanada<p>

WTF ATOBE That was supposed to be a SECRET.

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

How is it a secret, I already posted pictures of it on my FB. Everyone, please go check out my album Tango Towards Destruction. I'll repost the link on my fb.

* * *

><p>Sanada<p>

I'm calling my lawyer right now. I'm suing you Atobe for breaking our contract.

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

Oh, Sanada, haven't you heard? I AM KING. I AM the contract.

* * *

><p>Sanada<p>

TAKE THEM DOWN.

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

MAKE ME.

* * *

><p>Sanada<p>

All right. You. Me. Tango tomorrow. Capiche?

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

I believe it's "Comprende?" Tango is not Italian, my dear Sanada. But I agree. We will have a tango duel in the Starlight Room of Hyotei Gakuen at 12 noon sharp tomorrow (Sept 6). Everyone is invited to watch.

And now I need to get my beauty sleep. Ciao my humble servants.

* * *

><p>Kawamura<p>

Hey wait, people these days don't duel with tango! They duel with tennis! BURNINGGG

Sept 5

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

Both premises are wrong. The duel originated in Western society in 11th century. Duels were first fought using swords and later pistols in the 18th century. After an offense, one party would demand satisfaction from the other party, in other words, issue a challenge to a duel. The other party is obligated to agree to the challenge or else be dishonored and labeled as a "wimp with no balls," in contemporary terms.

* * *

><p>Renji<p>

You directly copied that from my wikipedia entry on duels. But it's okay Inui. Your data collection is certainly improving.

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

Thanks Renji! 3

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

So let me get this straight. Guys fight with their "swords" in order to get "satisfaction" from each other.

Does anyone else see the innuendo here or is it just me.

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

It's just you.

* * *

><p>Kevin Smith<p>

First balls, and now swords? And pistols? And tango and ballerina crossdressing drag queens?

Echizen, you have seriously sexually repressed friends.

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

… I know.

* * *

><p>Kevin Smith<p>

Is this a Japanese thing?

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

I think it's more of a "they're not the Prince of tennis and they resent it so they try to make up for it in other areas" kind of thing.

* * *

><p>Kevin Smith<p>

…no I think it's a Japanese thing.

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

Hmm interesting. "Study finds that tennis among Japanese teenagers creates shocking peaks in hormone levels."

Professor, we have a case.

* * *

><p>Renji<p>

On it, Doctor.

* * *

><p>Kirihara<p>

Am I the only one who finds the whole Professor-Doctor relationship really disturbing? It's kind of… SM.

Sept 6

* * *

><p>Marui<p>

GAG

* * *

><p>Jackal<p>

PFFT

* * *

><p>Kamio<p>

OUT OF LINE KIRIHARA! I don't know professor or doctor, but I'm sure they don't deserve such VERBAL BULLYING!

* * *

><p>Tachibana<p>

Kamio, I'm so proud of you for standing up for people you don't even know…

* * *

><p>Kamio<p>

I learned from the best, buchou! Kirihara, you deserve a beating! LET'S DUEL

* * *

><p>Kirihara<p>

… what… it was just a comment. Chill… besides, their relationship is kind of questionable. I mean… Professor? Doctor? That sounds like what people call each other when they're in cosplay and doing it.

* * *

><p>Marui<p>

GAG

* * *

><p>Jackal<p>

PFFT

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

CHOKE

* * *

><p>Kaido<p>

SSSSSSSS

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

Err…

* * *

><p>Karupin<p>

NYAAAAAA

* * *

><p>Takashi<p>

BURNING

* * *

><p>Fuji<p>

;)

* * *

><p>Tezuka<p>

Inui, get your guard up.

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

No comment

* * *

><p>Renji<p>

No comment

* * *

><p>Sanada<p>

Kirihara…

* * *

><p>Yukimura<p>

Kirihara, you might have gone overboard.

* * *

><p>Kamio<p>

KIRIHARAAAAAAA!

* * *

><p>Tachibana<p>

Might have? Yukimura, your coaching needs some work, since you can't keep your subordinate in line.

* * *

><p>Yukimura<p>

Do you forget you're speaking to the Child of God?

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

I am king.

* * *

><p>Shiraishi<p>

I am ecstasy…

* * *

><p>Yuji Hitoshi<p>

And koharu and I are gay!

* * *

><p>Koharu Konjiki<p>

No one beats koharu and me at homo cosplay SM comedy!

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

EWW RYOMA why are you facebook friends with the two gayest tennis players in the world?

* * *

><p>Koharu Konjiki<p>

We forced him to friend us. It involved handcuffs, a whip, and lots of screaming.

* * *

><p>Kaido<p>

….sssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

I WANT MY MOM.

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

Guys get off my facebook.

* * *

><p>Kevin Smith<p>

…it's definitely a Japanese thing.


	4. Wherefore art thou, Ryoma?

**Wherefore art thou ryoma?**

* * *

><p><strong>f a c e b o o k<strong>

* * *

><p>Videos Tagged of Ryoma Echizen<p>

* * *

><p>Wherefore art thou Ryoma?<p>

By Momo

Uploaded a week ago

Description:

For our high school's culture festival, our tennis club made a production of Romeo and Juliet. Only our version was called Ryoma and Juliet. Guess who wrote the script!

Tagged in this video: Seigaku Tennis Team

1051 people like this

Like Comment

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

…take this down. Now.

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

HAHAHAHA no. I have fifteen copies of this video, Inui has forty four and is making more copies to send to all our relatives. I also uploaded this on youtube. It's so late Echizen!

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

Oh look what's that I see? Is that echizen's reputation going up in flames in the sky? WHY YES IT IS.

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

This is for all the times you free loaded on me. Revenge is oh so sweet, Romeo…

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

Awww ochibi's so cute in his costume. He actually looks like a real prince! And not just a fake prince of tennis.

* * *

><p>Akutsu<p>

WTF Echizen, why are you wearing tights? When did you become so gay?

* * *

><p>Akutsu<p>

And WTF why are you carrying a tennis racket instead of a sword.

* * *

><p>Renji<p>

There's a sixty two percent chance that the tennis racket is another means of satirizing the play.

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

No renji, we just wanted to make everything about tennis.

* * *

><p>Renji<p>

Oh. Yeah that was the other thirty eight percent.

* * *

><p>Yuuta<p>

That explains why aniki has a wig on and is wearing a dress! How did you guys manage to make Aniki be Juliet?

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

Actually… fuji wanted to do it…

* * *

><p>Yuuta<p>

Oh.

* * *

><p>Fuji<p>

I had such a fun time Ryoma, we should do this again sometime.

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

… no.

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA that scene when ryoma is under fuji's window and trying to look like a handsome hero is CRACKING ME UP. Ryoma fails miserably as Romeo!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

* * *

><p>Fuji<p>

What do you think of my performance Eiji?

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

Oh… you were great Fuji! ;)

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

Yes Fuji, you made the perfect Juliet.

* * *

><p>Fuji<p>

I'll take that as a compliment ;) Because that's what you meant it as, right…

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

OH YES Fuji!

* * *

><p>Yuuta<p>

Aniki…scary…

* * *

><p>Fuji<p>

Takashi made such a great Tybalt. When he took hold of that racket he went swinging at ryoma's head.

* * *

><p>Takashi<p>

I was BURNING!

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

You didn't have to actually hurt me…

* * *

><p>Takashi<p>

SORRY ECHIZEN. HOW'S YOUR HEAD?

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

I've had worse injuries.

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

You should be more careful next time Takashi! You could have really hurt Ryoma… jeez, I knew it was a bad idea to give you a racket for that part…

* * *

><p>Takashi<p>

Sorry oishi…

* * *

><p>Kirihara<p>

LMAOOOOOOOO I can't believe you guys made Fuji play the girl! How lameeeeeeeee don't you guys have girls in your school?

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

The whole point was to have the Seigaku regulars be in the play. Duh…

And fuji looked the best in a dress.

* * *

><p>Fuji<p>

Thank you momo

* * *

><p>Kirihara<p>

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO you thought that was a compliment? Pfft

* * *

><p>Fuji<p>

Kirihara do you want me to teach another lesson again?

* * *

><p>Kirihara<p>

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

* * *

><p>Fuji<p>

Thought so

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

This is your pitiful excuse for a production? I've expected better of Seigaku. Right Kabaji?

* * *

><p>Kabaji<p>

Usu.

* * *

><p>Atobe<br>For our school festival, the tennis club put on a host club, and we had the most famous people in Japan come to our school. We also put on a rock concert, had a ballroom dance party, and rented the amusement park. Our school festival was the talk of the nation. Be awed by my prowess. Right, Kabaji?

* * *

><p>Kabaji<p>

Usu.

* * *

><p>Tezuka<p>

I remember reading about it in the newspaper. Unfortunately Atobe, we don't have the funds to squander on expensive festivities. We rather spend on club funds on improving our tennis skills. Don't let your guard down Atobe.

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

…I am king.

* * *

><p>Sanada<p>

I'm emperor.

* * *

><p>Yukimura<p>

And I… am the child of god.

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

Slash an invalid and thus can't be considered in the running for top dog. Right Kabaji?

* * *

><p>Kabaji<p>

Usu

* * *

><p>Yukimura<p>

Can't argue with that Atobe.

* * *

><p>Sanada<p>

Atobe, Yukimura can whip your ass in tennis.

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

Yukimura looks like he should have been the one playing Juliet opposite Ryoma. Right Ryoma?

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

Don't bring me into this. I'm the prince of tennis.

* * *

><p>Fuji<p>

I make a far better Juliet than Yukimura ever will. Do you want to play a match with me Atobe? I don't believe we ever met on court.

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

Please consult that with my secretary. I do have a waiting list for people who want to challenge me you know.

* * *

><p>Shishido<p>

Oh yeah buchou aren't we supposed to play a match right now? And you're on facebook talking to Seigaku? BUCHOU…

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

Shishido don't make me kick you off the team. What I do is my business. Right Kabaji?

* * *

><p>Jirou<p>

Kabaji's sleeping! Funny I just woke up too. OOOHHHH Fuji kun is playing a girl? SOOO COOOOOOOLLLLL

* * *

><p>Jirou<p>

OOOOOHHHH oshitari did you see that tennis move of fuji's? SOO COOOL

* * *

><p>Oshitari<p>

Half of the video just consists of Ryoma dueling with Tezuka using tennis…

And the other half is just the other guys from Seigaku playing tennis with each other…

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

…yeah well Ryoma was being rebellious and the only way to make him go on stage was to promise him that he could play tennis with Tezuka…

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

That's right.

* * *

><p>Sanada<p>

Tezuka that's one obnoxious kid you got there. If I were you, I would discipline him better. Physically.

* * *

><p>Tachibana<p>

Hey Sanada! That's NOT cool. You shouldn't use any sort of physical or verbal or any kind of abuse to discipline your teammates. You can't create bonds with that kind of attitude.

* * *

><p>Kamio<p>

Buchou! You're so right all the time!

* * *

><p>Aoi<p>

Tachibana's such an awesome captain! I hope I can be like him one day!

* * *

><p>Saeki<p>

Don't count on it aoi.

* * *

><p>Aoi<p>

That was so mean saeki! Are you jealous that I'm captain and you're vice captain even though you're a third year and I'm a first year and you're student council vice president when the president is only a second year?

* * *

><p>David<p>

Aoi sure is rubbing it in! Is his rubber broken? Pfft.

* * *

><p>Bane<p>

That made no sense idiot!

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

That was an uncouth joke David. You should be banned from facebook. Right Kabaji?

Japanese people wouldn't know, but rubbers are condoms in Great Britain.

* * *

><p>Bane<p>

David… gross… I'm coming over to kick you.

* * *

><p>Itsuki<p>

Why did david call aoi a condom? Why did david know a rubber means condom in English? Why?

* * *

><p>Aoi<p>

I just want you guys to know that my manliness is in healthy abundance and I'm perfectly all right with its size. Wish I could say the same for David…

* * *

><p>David<br>You're just jealous of my long racket. Pfft.

* * *

><p>Kawamura<p>

OH BURNNNNN

* * *

><p>Saeki<p>

Hm that was actually kind of good.

* * *

><p>Bane<p>

GROSS DAVID. Stop making bad penis jokes or I'm going to go to your house and kick you in the face!

* * *

><p>Itsuki<p>

Why did David say that? Why? Why?

* * *

><p>Saeki<p>

Speaking of long rackets, how's mine?

* * *

><p>Ryou<p>

You don't have one.

* * *

><p>Kawamura<p>

OHH BURNNNNNNNNNN AGAINNNN

* * *

><p>Atsushi<p>

That was mean Ryou. Just because you have long hair doesn't mean you can poke fun at other people's appearance.

* * *

><p>Ryou<p>

Atsushi you just reminded me. What is UP with that headband?

* * *

><p>Atsushi<p>

So mean…

* * *

><p>Saeki<p>

I'm comfortable with my body so it doesn't matter what anyone says. After all, it's kind of a fact that I'm the best looking tennis playing high school student in Japan.

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

Oh I beg to differ. I'm almost offended by your lack of modesty.

* * *

><p>Oshitari<p>

…so says the narcissist.

* * *

><p>Aoi<p>

Wait saeki's kind of right. A lot of the fan girls vote him the best looking… all the teen magazines say so too.

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

I BEG your pardon. I was rated number one in the handsome and stylish category in high school tennis in Sports Illustrated.

* * *

><p>Oshitari<p>

That's because you bribed the editor.

* * *

><p>Shishido<p>

Let's face it Atobe. You look like and dress like a gay man. You have no idea what's the style of a stylish straight dude.

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

Shishido.

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

Your hair makes you look like a rooster.

* * *

><p>Ootori<p>

That's sooo mean Atobe! Shishido, I think you're the best looking of all of them!

* * *

><p>Shishido<p>

…thanks Ootori. though it's not that comforting coming from you….

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

GUYS GUYS. Vent your self esteem issues somewhere else. This video is for making fun of Ryoma as Romeo only.

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

Momo you're just jealous that I'm the prince of tennis.

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

WHAT?

At least I'm not short like you are ochibi.

* * *

><p>Kawamura<p>

BURNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

… I'm still growing.

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

LMAOO how long have you been "still growing"? Ten years?

* * *

><p>Kaido<p>

At least he's not fat like you are.

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

WHAT? I'M NOT FAT.

* * *

><p>Kaido<p>

You ate sixteen burgers and twenty meat buns during lunch. You're telling me it all just disappears? Face it momo you're fat.

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

WHY YOU. At least I don't have ugly bulging muscles everywhere VIPER!

* * *

><p>Kaido<p>

WHAT? At least I HAVE muscle! You only have fat. And lots of it too.

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

GUYS. Stop it. You both are good loo

* * *

><p>king in your own right. So can we please stop with all the talk about our appearances.<p>

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

… Oishi senpai, I've always wanted to know this, but why do you always have two pieces of hair sticking out of your forehead?

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

HEY! Oishi's hair is a forbidden topic! At least he doesn't have a mullet that looks like it's been in a train wreck!

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

Thanks for protecting me Eiji, but it's not as reassuring coming from someone who always has a bandaid on his cheek that no one knows why it's there…

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

HEY! I was being defending you! At least I don't look boring like you do!

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

Okay let's stop this. Can't you see this is breaking up our team?

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

…yeah… I'm sorry Oishi! I'll never jeopardize our doubles pair again!

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

… and you call me gay? At least I'm a singles player

* * *

><p>Ootori<p>

HEY!

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

And not freakishly tall like you are.

* * *

><p>Shishido<p>

Stop insulting ootori! At least he doesn't have an ugly mole on his cheek!

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

It's a tear spot. A symbol of refinement. One that won't ever grace your coarse self. Right kabaji?

* * *

><p>Jirou<p>

Kabaji's SOOO BIGGGG.

* * *

><p>Saeki<p>

Guys it's okay. No matter how you guys look, the girls will still like you. Right Aoi?

* * *

><p>Aoi<p>

That's right! Even though I have a weird hair cut, the girls still flock around me!

* * *

><p>Saeki<p>

Actually never mind.

* * *

><p>Sengoku<p>

No saeki's right. All the girls LOVE me. And I'm just average!

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

…well you do have huge muscles… and red hair... and girls like that…

* * *

><p>Sengoku<p>

No, it's because I'm LUCKY!

* * *

><p>Dan<p>

Aw Sengoku senpai is so nice desu! Cheering up other tennis players with self esteem issues desu!

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

WE DON'T HAVE SELF ESTEEM ISSUES!

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

You guys… mada mada dane.

* * *

><p>Shiraishi<p>

Mmhm, ecstasy… you guys are a long way off from being perfect like me…

* * *

><p>Kirihara<p>

But dude, you have a gold gauntlet encasing your arm… oh wait now I'm confused.

* * *

><p>Shiraishi<p>

I'm the bible of the perfect man… ecstasy…

* * *

><p>Kirihara<p>

…SHUT UP all that ecstasy is confusing me.

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

LMAOOOOOOOOO

* * *

><p>Fuji<p>

It's all right guys, we don't need to prove how manly we are to the world.

* * *

><p>Yuuta<p>

But aniki… you're the most feminine out of us…

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

That's why we made Fuji Juliet after all!

* * *

><p>Renji<p>

No there's a 85% chance that Yukimura is more feminine than Fuji.

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

I have to agree with you Renji.

* * *

><p>Sanada<p>

I make up for Yukimura's lack of masculinity. I AM THE EMPEROR.

* * *

><p>Marui<p>

But don't you dance tango?

* * *

><p>Sanada<p>

… dancing is a gentleman's sport.

* * *

><p>Yagyuu<p>

No it isn't. And I should know, I'm a gentleman.

* * *

><p>Niou<p>

Niou stop pretending to be me.

* * *

><p>Yagyuu<p>

No, you.

* * *

><p>Sanada<p>

I'm not even going to bother…

* * *

><p>Yukimura<p>

Peace my children. Let the peace of God rain down on you all…

* * *

><p>Kirihara<p>

Mhm, I feel so serene all of a sudden…

* * *

><p>Eiji<p>

Me too…

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

Me three…

* * *

><p>Kawamura<p>

Me four…burning…

* * *

><p>Shiraishi<p>

Mhm ecstasy…

* * *

><p>Oishi<p>

Are you guys on drugs again? Damn you shiraishi you drug dealer

* * *

><p>Shiraishi<br>It's not my fault. Blame the bible.

* * *

><p>Tezuka<p>

Don't let your guard down.

* * *

><p>Inui<p>

There's a 88% chance they're just drowsy and going to sleep.

* * *

><p>Fuji<p>

But it's more fun if we believe Shiraishi is a drug dealer.

* * *

><p>Shiraishi<p>

Mhmm…

* * *

><p>Atobe<p>

we'll have to settle the issue of who's the best looking tennis player some other time. Even though I already know it's me.

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

… mada mada dane.

* * *

><p>Nanjiro Echizen<p>

LMAOOO Ryoma your little friends are so cute. Ahh my cute and youthful son…

* * *

><p>Ryoma<p>

I'm untagging myself from this video. Idiot stalker dads.


	5. Momo means manwhore in English

**Momo means manwhore in English.**

* * *

><p><strong>f a c e b o o k<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Ryoma Echizen<strong>

See Friendship with Momo Takeshi

* * *

><p>Ryoma Echizen and Momo Takeshi<p>

Facebook friends since April 2011

511 mutual friends

* * *

><p>Momo Takeshi Ryoma Echizen<p>

DAMMIT I keep on forgetting to coerce you into giving me money during practice… GIVE ME MY MONEY.

June 13

14 people like this

Like Comment

Ryoma Echizen

It's your fault you forget to ask me for it because you're too busy playing tennis… not mine.

June 13

6 people like this.

Momo takeshi

Echizen if you don't give me my money I'm going to sue you.

June 13

Ryoma Echizen

Chill… I'll give you your money tomorrow.

June 13

Momo takeshi

DAMMIT I FORGOT AGAIN.

June 14

Ryoma Echizen

Mada mada dane.

June 14

* * *

><p>Momo Takeshi Ryoma Echizen<p>

YOOOO echizen where's my money?

June 12

* * *

><p>Momo Takeshi Ryoma Echizen<p>

Yo you owe me 10000 yen for last time. How the fcuk do you eat more than me?

June 11

* * *

><p>Momo Takeshi Ryoma Echizen<p>

Dude that ramen shop owner was so crazy. Thank god I saved his mom though. But you owe me money.

June 10

* * *

><p>Momo Takeshi Ryoma Echizen<p>

OMG THEY ANNOUNCED CALL OF DUTY 3.

June 5

94 people like this

like comment

Ryoma Echizen

What's that

41 people like this

Eiji Kikumaru

HUH? OCHIBI how can you not know what call of duty is?

Eiji

It's only the BEST GAME EVA NYA.

91 people like this

Oishi

You're exaggerating Eiji

Eiji

Okay… It's the SECOND BEST GAME IN THE WORLD EVA NYA. After Final fantasy XI.

Momo

Okay FF XI sucked. And Echizen, you need to get a life.

141 people like this.

Momo

See, 141 people AGREE with me. You need to get a life.

Ryoma Echizen

Mada mada dane.

Momo

Even TEZUKA knows what Call of Duty is.

Tezuka

Don't let your guard down Echizen.

Ryoma Echizen

I won't buchou. But I only play tennis video games. Like this one called… the prince of tennis. it's really good. You guys should try it.

101 people like this.

Momo Takeshi

I think echizen just made a joke.

81 people like this.

Eiji  
>CONGRATS OCHIBI. YOU HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR! HOI HOI!<p>

91 people like this.

Eiji

I'll bake a cake and bring it to practice tomorrow. HOI HOI.

10 people like this.

Ryoma

I don't like cake.

Eiji

WTF? how can you not like cake nya?

Ryoma

I just don't.

Momo

Echizen is not normal.

Kamio

WORD.

Shinji

Why do you say word Kamio? What does that even mean? I never understand the use of slang among teenagers these days. People should abstain from using slang. It's very distracting and not a very reliable mode of communication. After all, if you use slang in a professional environment, you'll get fired, and then what good will that do? What if you slip up and accidentally use slang when you're at work? Then, you'll get fired. It's better if everyone just uses formal and correct language to speak all the time. That way you won't have to worry about getting fired and dealing with the consequences of using slang when people don't like it. Like me. I don't like slang. I'll fire you if you use slang around me.

Kamio

…dude… you need to find your rhythm. By the way call of duty rawks! :D

Fuji

It's a pleasurable game. Yuuta and I use to play it all the time. What happened yuuta?

Yuuta

…tennis happened

Fuji

oh yeah I forgot.

Yuuta

And it wasn't fun anyway… you kept on beating me…either that or you went easy on me, and either way, I got pissed off and broke the controller.

Fuji

Sorry Yuuta I had no idea I left you with such childhood trauma! Do you want to talk about it? Should we go to a family counselor? What should we do?

Yuuta

…bro it's fine.

Fuji

if you say so yuuta :)

Ryoma

why does everyone like to spam my wall.

Nanjiroh Echizen

because you're the prince of tennis, son!

Ryoma

creepy, dad. though i can't argue with that.

Momo

CALL OF DUTY.

Ryoma

what is that again?

Momo

never mind...

Ryoma

mada mada dane.

* * *

><p><strong>Momo Takeshi<strong>  
><strong>GUYS STOP CALLING ME A MANWHORE. Just because Momo means Manwhore in English doesn't mean anything! It's Ryoma Echizen's fault.<strong>

July 4

131 people like this

Like comment

Eiji  
>NYA NYA MOMO'S A MANWHORE.<p>

Kamio

So that's why you're always around Ann! Stay away from her MANWHORE!

Ann Tachibana

…I don't think momo's a manwhore kamio.

Kamio

He's from a family of manwhores! He can't be trusted.

Tachibana

Kamio, what did we say about saying mean things about others?

Kamio

…. Sorry buchou.

Eiji

MANWHORE MANWHORE MANWHORE

Momo

STOP IT Eiji senpai!

Kaido

Wow you're a manwhore? How come I'm not surprised.

Momo

WHY YOU… at least I'm not an ugly snake LIKE YOU.

Kaido

At least I'm not a PROSTITUTE.

Momo

AT LEAST I'M SEXY ENOUGH TO BE ONE.

Kaido

AT LEAST I'M NOT GOING TO GET A BAZILLION STDs.

Momo

AT LEAST GIRLS WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME.

KAIDO  
>AT LEAST I DON'T GET IT IN THE ASS BY A GUY.<p>

Momo

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Kaido

I win.

Momo

No you don't. Tomorrow. You. me. Duel.

Kaido

Hey guys look momo's offering his services to me.

Eiji

EWWWWWWW MOMO. NYAA.

Oishi

Guys, don't be so inappropriate! This is a public area.

Oishi

Ryoma, I can't believe you told Momo that his name meant manwhore in English! That's not even true!

Momo

…it's not?

Eiji

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Momo's so bad at English nya!

Kevin Smith

Yeah I'm American, and I never heard of the word momo being used to mean manwhore… although maybe it's underground slang I have no idea.

Inui

There's a 60% chance Momo means manwhore in English. There have been various instances in which momo has been used to describe a younger man who is used as an older female's pet in pop culture. But officially, momo does not mean manwhore in English. Momo is however a Tibetan dumpling.

Momo

Ooh that sounds good. Where can I get some of that?

Momo

WAIT RYOMA why did you say that when I asked you to teach me English?

Ryoma

Mada mada dane.

Momo

You're not going to get away with that anymore!

Momo

Okay whatever I'll let you get away this time. But only because I'm hungry right now.

Ryoma

Mada mada dane.

41 people like this.

* * *

><p>See more.<p> 


	6. Breakdancing battle

Epic break dancing battle

* * *

><p><strong>f a c e b o o k<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Videos Tagged of Ryoma<strong>

Break dancing battle

By Oishi

Uploaded September 4

Description:

To celebrate our win at nationals, we had an interschool festival. One of the most anticipated events was the break dancing battle. This took ages to upload by the way.

The rule was the team with the most impressive feats wins. The judges were our coaches, and they graded us on audience reception, originality, technical skills, and "how good you guys looked breakdancing" (I have no idea what that means, but Ryuuzaki sensei said it, not me.) And the prize was 10000 yen gift cards to Prince sports store.

In the end, Seigaku won :)

Credits to Monthly Tennis for filming this video.

Tagged in this video:

Ryoma Echizen, Momo, Eiji, Oishi, Inui, Tezuka, Kawamura, Fuji, Atobe, Gakuto, Ootori, Shishido, Oshitari, Kabaji, Jirou, Hiyoshi, Sanada, Renji, Kirihara, Yagyuu, Niou, Marui, Jackal, Tachibana, Kamio, Shinji, Sengoku, Akutsu, Dan, Yuuta, Mizuki, Atsushi, Ryou, Saeki, Aoi, David, Bane, Itsuki, Shiraishi, Kintaro Toyama, Senri Chitose, Yuji, Koharu, Kenya Oshitari

1051 people like this.

* * *

><p>Momo<p>

Shit. This is so epic.

Kamio

Word. Check out my skillz.

Shiraishi

Mmhm ecstasy… thanks for tagging me and everyone else too.

Saeki

Wow you didn't forget to tag anyone! That's dedication… as a vice captain myself, I have to applaud you on that.

Oishi

Haha thanks Saeki san!

Eiji

Thanks for putting this up Oishi! Wooow we were sooo goood nyaaa. I can't believe we made Tezuka break dance! And he was soo goood, his Tezuka zone blew everyone away…. Literally.

Oishi

You weren't so bad yourself eiji! That move when you spinned on your hand for five minutes. The crowd loved it!

Eiji

Hehehe I think I got a bald spot from that… but it was worth it.

Gakuto

I had the best freeze. And you know it.

Eiji

No you didn't nya! If anyone had the best freeze, it was probably Kaido. He was in the most twisted position for like five minutes nya.

Kaido

It was nothing.

Momo

Kaido had the best freeze, but the audience got so bored with him.

Kaido

…at least I didn't mess up my suicide.

Dan

Eh suicide desu? Kaido senpai are you thinking of suicide desu? You shouldn't desu everyone will miss you desu!

Akutsu

Dan, suicide's a breakdance move.

Dan

Ohh desu….

Tomo

AHHHHHH all of you looked soooooo cool and hot in this video! AHHHHH TOTAL FAN GIRL MODE.

Oishi

I can't believe more than 1000 people liked this video haha.

Inui

There are 1275600 views of the youtube video of this. That's 100 percent of Japan's population. We can make money on this.

Renji

You're right Inui. We should start our own company devoted to spread high school tennis multimedia.

Tomo

EHHH, I bet most of the views are from girls. Because you guys are SOOO HOOOOOOT. Can I be the PR manager, because I know what girls like! (hot guys!)

Aoi

I have to say, this is pretty hot. Saeki senpai, you were definitely on a roll. You had the whole street b boy image down…

Tomo

AHHHH SAEKI SAMA SO HOT. I'm definitely joining your fan club now!

Saeki

Haha thanks…

Ryou

All the girls were screaming, Saeki Saeki Saeki when he was on the floor. I thought they were going to gang rape him. -_-

Atsushi

Didn't you have a wet dream about that once ryou? Definitely a reason I left home.

Aoi

EHHHHH Ryou had a wet dream about SAEKI?

Saeki

I don't know whether I should be flattered or creeped out….

Atsushi

Neither because the dream was about him being gang raped by a bunch of girls. Not about you.

Ryou

Atsushi… no more of mom's pie for you.

Atsushi

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

David

Hmmm I once had a wet dream about a girl having a wet dream about my having a wet dream about the girl having a wet dream about me and my penis jokes. PFFT.

Bane

I think I have to kick you.

David

You're just jealous that you don't have a long racket. Pfft.

Bane

I PWNED you on the breakdance floor.

Oishi

You guys are on the same team so it didn't count. Though bane, you had a pretty awesome flair. I didn't know your legs could be so flexible!

Bane

They got that way from kicking david all the time.

David

Crabby Bane has crab legs! Pfft.

Bane

Please commit suicide.

David

I just did it in the video didn't you see PFFT.

Itsuki

Why does Bane always kick David? Why?

Atobe

Why are all these Rokkaku kids dominating on my turf? Be awed by my prowess. My power moves were the best. I don't know why Seigaku won. I should have been MVP . Right Kabaji?

Kabaji

Usu

Oshitari

There was no MVP, but it would probably have gone to you Atobe. Your spin moves were pretty amazing, and you had the best actual dancing to the beat.

Atobe

Years of tango lessons paid off. I am breakdancing king.

Ootori

Shishido was pretty cool too! You looked very street Shishido!

Shisido

Thanks… you were good too. Your flare was mad fast.

Ootori

Eh I fell apart near the end though. Think it's because I'm too tall…

Shishido

No you're not. Believe in yourself!

Ootori

Shishido! Thanks for believing in me!

Atobe

Okay guys cut the inspiring moment. The only one who can inspire others is ME. The king.

Sanada

Atobe, I'm surprised you could hear the beat with your school cheering for you in the background.

Atobe

Sanada, you obviously didn't notice that I snapped my fingers and my fans got quiet, allowing me to display my moves of brilliance. To be fair, you were pretty good too. Though not as good as me. Of cousrse. Right Kabaji

Kabaji

Usu.

Sanada

Of course Atobe. No one is as good as you.

Atobe

If that's sarcasm, I don't appreciate it. I didn't no one was as good as me. Tezuka's zone was pretty in the zone. Tezuka, we should breakdance battle sometime.

Tezuka

Thanks but no thanks Atobe. I think I hurt my shoulder breakdancing.

Oishi

GASP TEZUKA ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

Ryoma

Buchou!

Momo

BUCHOU!

Eiji

NOO TEZUKA BUCHOU!

KAWAMURA  
>TEZUKA BURNING!<p>

Fuji

Tezuka what happened?

Tezuka

Guys, it's just a small injury. I'll be fine in a month. Tennis season is over anyway, so I can rest a little more. Though I'll always keep my guard up. Remember. Don't let your guard down.

Momo

YES BUCHOU.

Tezuka

Ryoma you did a good job at the battle. Your moves formed the pillar of Seigaku.

Ryoma

Thanks buchou.

Momo

Ryoma was pretty awesome. Except in the beginning, Shinji knocked him on the floor when he was head spinning and his head got cut. Remember?

Ryoma

That was nothing. I had worse injuries.

Tomo

IEEE RYOMA SAMA WAS SOOO COOL AND HOT.

Eiji

Ochibi, teach me that twist! And that drive b move! And the CYCLONE NYA!

Oishi

The cyclone was pretty cool.

Atobe

I have to admit, your cyclone move was off the chart. But I am still king.

Sanada

Your cyclone move blew everyone away. But Yukimura's moves paralyzed everyone so they couldn't MOVE while he was breakdancing.

Yukimura

This is to be expected of course. I am the child of god.

Kamio

What has this got to do with breakdancing? If you're not in the rhythm… you're not breakdancing!

Itsuki

Why does Kamio always say that? Why is he always in the rhythm? Why was he wearing baggy pants and a wifebeater? What are wifebeaters called wife beaters?

Inui

There's a 99% chance wife beaters are called by that name because they were originally worn by thugs who beat their wives. I didn't even have to consult my data for that.

Renji

Good one Doctor. Good one.

Kamio

I'm never wearing a wifebeater again!

Tachibana

That's the spirit Kamio! Never advocate violence!

Kamio

Yes buchou!

Tomo

KYAAAAA But you guys look so HOT in wife beaters! KYAAAA all your muscles stretching and your lean bodies showing off your sweat… KYAAAAAAAA nose bleed.

Sakuno

Tomo chan! Not appropriate…

Fuji

Haha it's okay. We appreciate fans.

Saeki

Fuji I notice you don't have a lot of muscles. Barely any in fact. How do you keep on being so boss at tennis without muscles?

Fuji

I am a genius.

Saeki

Oh yeah…

Oshitari

I'm a genius too but I have muscles.

Yuuta

Aniki has a genetic disorder that prevents him from looking masculine.

Saeki

OHH yeah I forgot about that.

Shiraishi

No muscles? Mhm you need some ecstasy… perfect men need muscles.

Oshitari  
>And gold gauntlets on their arms? Who says?<p>

Shiraishi

Mhm. The bible says so.

Tomo

AHHH Shirashi senpai was sooo hot when he was using his gold arm to do all those breakdancing moves! AHHH NOSE bleed again.

Sakuno

Tomo chan!

Horio

I did breakdancing for two years! I don't know what's so great about it.

Tomo

Stop lying Horio. You almost broke your neck trying to match the senpais.

Horio

Not my fault! The floor wanted to kill me!

Ryoma

Mada mada dane.

Sengoku

When the girls saw me breakdancing they all wanted a piece of me! LUCKY.

Dan

Sengoku senpai is so cool desu! He can play tennis, box, and breakdance desu! So cool desu!

Akutsu

Hey, I can play every sport and breakdance.

Dan

Ah sorry Akutsu senpai desu! Didn't mean to neglect you desu! You are awesome too desu!

Akutsu

…forget I said anything…

Kawamura

Akutsu you sure were BURNINGGG on the dance floor! Your moves were so BURNINGG the room almost caught on fire BURNINGGG!

Akutsu

…I feel like punching someone.

Tachibana

Violence is NEVER an option.

Kirihara

Except if it makes you stronger!

Kamio

I thought you changed Kirihara! I'm never trusting you again.

Kirihara

I was joking. Jeez. These tennis playing people are so serious all the time…

Eiji

NOT ME! WOOOO HOOO HOI HOI!

Kirihara

Well, you're not human so you don't count.

Eiji

… nya…

Kirihara

Why did seigaku win anyway. Rikkaidai definitely had the best moves.

Renji

100% chance that it was because while sanada, yukimura, you and I blew the crowd away, the rest of the team were merely average. Plus it doesn't help that Niou was impersonating Yagyuu and didn't participate because Yagyuu is too much of a gentleman to participate. So yeah we were disqualified.

Marui

Hey you didn't have to say that Jackal and I were average lol. it was all Niou's fault that trickster lol.

Jackal

My breakdancing was awesome. I mean why shouldn't it be. I'm bald, I look black, I'm automatically a breakdancing b boy star.

Marui

YEAH and I was really hyper because I ate four cakes before the competition. So my breakdancing was super ballin.

Kirihara

Your super rising was alright.

Marui

I think I'm bored with being on facebook. Time for more CAKE. Nom nom

Momo

GIVE ME SOME

Marui

NO. MY CAKEY.

Momo

…you sound like a three year old.

Marui

Who cares. I beat you in tennis. nom nom.

Momo

…

Oishi

WOW I can't believe this video has so many comments!

Oshitari

That's because most of the comments are people trying to justify how great they are. I know because I have to deal with it all the time,

Atobe

Did I hear my name, mhm? Kabaji?

Kabaji

Usu.

Oishi

I got more than a hundred thousand hits on my youtube video!

Oishi

OMG we're invited to be on a variety show! It's going to be a weeklong challenge trip and we're going to filmed!

Eiji

OMGGGG Are the chocolates going to be there?

Oishi

No, but we get to be on national television!

Kaido

All of us?

Oishi

Oh no… they said only fifteen people can go...

Momo

I guess you guys know what we have to do now right?

Eiji

BREAKDANCE TO GET THE SPOT? I'M SO IN NYA.

Momo

…NO. PLAY TENNIS DUH.

Atobe

I will win. Be awed by my prowess.

Tezuka

I won't be able to participate because of my shoulder. But good luck Seigaku! Don't let your guard down.

Oishi

We won't Tezuka!

Tezuka

Ryoma I trust you with the fate of Seigaku! Be the pillar of our team!

Ryoma

I will, buchou!

Sanada

Be ready for some stiff competition, because Rikkaidai will be the winner!

Yukimura

Sanada… I won't be able to make it either, but good luck and have fun without me…

Sanada

Don't worry Yukimura, we'll always have your presence with us on television.

Saeki

Guys you should all chill… it's just national television.

Atsushi

Ryou, your vice captain is funny.

Ryou

…

Mizuki

I'll have to plan all our wardrobes from camping outfits to tennis outfits to beach outfits to pool outfits to lounge outfits to sleeping in hotel outfits to being on tv oufits to red carpet outfits.

Ryou

Yeah Atsushi, my vice captain?

Atsushi

…I have a cool red hair band and I look more like a samurai than you.

Ryou

Have you seen me in a ponytail? Have you? I don't think you have, because no one looks more like a samurai than I do when I'm wearing a ponytail.

Ryoma

Mada mada dane. I have samurai blood.

Momo

Guys we need to battle on the tennis courts to decide who's going on national tv and you guys are debating who's more of a samurai?

Eiji

In other words nya nya nyaa nya nyyaaaa nya nyaaa.

Oishi

In other words, shut up eiji, and save this conversation for later and hit the courts!

Atobe

I don't care who we play because we're going to win.

Ryoma

You say that every time and yet remember how I shaved your head monkey king? Oh wait, you can't because you were unconscious.

Atobe

That was one time oh small one. One time.

Ryoma

mada mada dane.

Nanjiroh Echizen

HM? My cute son's going to be on national tv? I'll have to tape this.

Ryoma

no.

* * *

><p>AN

Breakdancing YAY! Wish we could have an actual video of that epic dance battle!

So anyway, I'm thinking the next couple of chapters will be about the variety show challenges. Like a survival game, quizzes, weird relay races... OH FUN.

Who do you guys want to see in the variety show challenges?


	7. Eiji Kikumaru

**f a c e b o o k**

* * *

><p><strong>Eiji Kikumaru<strong>

Studies at Seishun Academy

Lives in Tokyo, Japan

From Tokyo, Japan

Knows English, Japanese, Cat

Born on November 28

* * *

><p><strong>Education and Work<strong>

High School Seishun Academy

* * *

><p><strong>Philosophy<strong>

Favorite Quotations

Hoi hoi!

Nya!

Kikumaru beam!

* * *

><p><strong>Sports<strong>

Sports I Play Tennis Volleyball

* * *

><p><strong>Activities and Interests<strong>

Activities

Tennis Brushing my teeth Cooking Baking Fly swatting Collecting Bugs Going to Aquarium

Interests

Tennis Brushing my teeth Cats

Other

Seishun Academy

Karupin

All Star Junior Tennis League

The Chocolates

The Jellybeans

Bug Collectors

I love brushing my teeth.

* * *

><p><strong>Basic Information<strong>

About Me Hi! My name is Kikumaru Eiji. I was born on the 28th of November. My blood type is A. I have a grandma, grandpa, Mother, Father and two older brothers and two older sisters. I like to brush my teeth. I love tennis! The chocolates are my favorite band! Get to know me nya!

Relationship Status Single

Sex Male

Interested in Women

* * *

><p><strong>Networks<strong>

Seishun Academy

All Star Junior Tennis League

* * *

><p><strong>Contact Information<strong>

Eijicat

* * *

><p><strong>Friends (1241)<strong>

Shuichiro Oishi

Shusuke Fuji

Ryoma Echizen

Momo Takeshi

Sadaharu Inui

Kaoru Kaido

Eiji Kikumaru

Takashi Kawamura

Kunimitsu Tezuka

See more…

* * *

><p><strong>Photos (16141)<strong>

**Tagged Photos (15131)**

**Profile Pictures (11)**

**Videos (12)**

**Tagged videos (285)**

* * *

><p><strong>Recent Activity<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Eiji Kikumaru <strong>took the Which Hogwarts House are you (realistic) quiz and got** HUFFLEPUFF.**

265 people like this.

Eiji

aww... I wanted Gryffindor... I'm going to redo this nya!

Oishi

But Eiji, then it won't be honest... And don't worry, I got Hufflepuff too!

Eiji

OH YAY! We get to be in the same house! And play Quidditch together! NYA!

Momo

LMAO you do know this quiz doesn't actually mean you go to Hogwarts right...

Eiji

SO? we can play fantasy quidditch on our the ipod touch! HOI HOI!

Momo

... I'd rather play fantasy tennis...

Ryoma

me too.

Eiji

JEEZ we're talking about HOGWARTS. we should pretend we're wizards not muggles! wingardium leviosa nya!

Ryoma

that wasn't right. at all.

Eiji

Jeez, ochibi, hermione or something? Nya?

Momo

LOOOOL echizen he just called you a girl! LMAOOO

Ryoma

mada mada dane.

Ryoma

Not only am I the prince of tennis but I'm a better wizard than you guys. Suck it.


	8. Atobe Keigo

**a/n:** so I think I'm going to post a few profiles before doing the variety challenges chapters**. **since you might want to know about the guys who are going to participating in that. if you read, review! thanks!

* * *

><p><strong>f a c e b o o k<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Atobe Keigo<strong>

Studies at Hyotei Academy

Lives in Tokyo, Japan

From London, England

Knows Japanese, English, French, Mandarin Chinese, Korean, German, Italian

Born on October 4

* * *

><p><strong>Education and Work<strong>

High School Hyotei Academy

* * *

><p><strong>Philosophy<strong>

Favorite Quotations

I am king.

Be awed by my prowess.

Veni, vidi, vici. – Julius Caesar.

* * *

><p><strong>Sports<strong>

Sports I Play Tennis

* * *

><p><strong>Activities and Interests<strong>

Activities

Tennis, ballroom dancing, fencing, fly fishing, reading Shakespeare

Interests

Tennis, Shakespeare

Favorite Music

Mozart, Beethoven, Chopin, Ravel, Haydn, Tchaikovsky, Bach, Brahms, Schubert, Mendelssohn

**Favorite Books**

Julius Caesar Macbeth Hamlet King Lear Romeo and Juliet The Tempest As You Like It A Midsummer Night's Dream The Taming of the Shrew Age of Innocence War and Peace

**Favorite Movies**

War and Peace Age of Innocence La Vie en Rose La Dolce Vita

**Favorite People**

William Shakespeare Julius Caesar Alexander the Great Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Ludwig van Beethoven Marion Cotillard

**Other**

Atobe Keigo

Atobe Keigo is King

All Japan Ballroom Dance Team

All Japan Fencing Team

Hyotei Academy

Shakespeare Club

Classical Music Club

Fly Fishing is Fun Club

Drinking Non-alcoholic Champagne in the Bath

* * *

><p><strong>Basic Information<strong>

About Me

I am King.

Relationship Status Single

Sex Male

Interested in Women

* * *

><p><strong>Networks<strong>

Hyotei Academy

All Star Junior Tennis League

International Ballroom Dancing League

* * *

><p><strong>Contact Information<strong>

.com

.com/atobekeigo (my fan page)

.com/atobekeigo

.com/atobekeigo

* * *

><p><strong>Friends (3592)<strong>

Kabaji Munehiro

Oshitari Yuushi

Kunimitsu Tezuka

Ryo Shishido

Ootori Choutarou

Jiro Akutagawa

Genichiro Sanada

Ryoma Echizen

See more

* * *

><p><strong>Photos (510514)<strong>

**Tagged Photos (50151)**

**Profile Pictures (195)**

**Videos (210)**

**Tagged videos (551)**

* * *

><p><strong>Recent Activity<strong>

**Atobe Keigo **changed his profile picture.

Like comment

2511 people like this

Echizen Ryoma

You look like a monkey, monkey king.

Momo

^LMAO, AGREE.

Shishido

Atobe, why do so many of your profile pictures involve you naked in front of a mirror…

41 people like this.

Oshitari

Do you need to ask why? I think we all know the reason.

58 people like this.

Jirou

AHH boring… zzz…

Shishido

Did jirou just fall asleep on facebook again?

Ootori

Yeah I think he did.

Gakuto

YES! Let's go hack his facebook and post up crazy statuses!

Oshitari

Aren't you tired of that by now? It's not as if people are actually surprised by his statuses anymore.

Gakuto

… yeah… but it's still fun!

Oshitari

…

"Jirou Akutagawa likes little boys."

How unoriginal…

Gakuto

Oh yeah? Let's see you try better!

Gakuto

…

"Jirou Akutagawa likes drawing smiley faces on his weenie.'

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Oshitari

I do my best.

Shishido

How immature. Don't you guys have better things to do? Like playing tennis?

Atobe

Guys, I know you love me, but if you want to write about things that aren't related to my handsome face on my profile pictures, go somewhere else. Like Jirou's facebook.

Right kabaji?

Kabaji

Usu.

Jirou Akutagawa

YOU GUYS ARE SOOOO MEANNNNNNNNN.

Jirou Akutagawa

My mom saw the statuses you put up and wants to take me to a therapist!

Oshitari

How did she see your fb statuses…

Jirou

I'm facebook friends with her!

Oshitari

… oh so you have that kind of mom.

Gakuto

LMAOOO YOU MOMMA'S BOY.

* * *

><p><strong>Atobe Keigo <strong>has a new photobook out! Order it now at .com

August 21

1514 people like this

Ami

KYAAAA ATOBE SAMA!

Rei

KYAAAAAA

Umi

KYAAAAAAAA I LOVE YOU ATOBE SAMA

Sana

KYAAAAAAAAAA I'm ordering 8 copies!

See more.


	9. Don't hang me

**don't hang me.**

* * *

><p><strong>f a c e b o o k<strong>

* * *

><p>Videos Tagged of Eiji Kikumaru<p>

**Ryoma tries to teach us English**

By Oishi

Uploaded yesterday

Description: We didn't have practice today so we decided that Ryoma should give us English lessons! Then because we were bored we decided to inhale some helium while saying English phrases.

88 people like this

Like Comment

* * *

><p>Eiji<br>HAHAHAHAHA hearing ochibi say mada mada dane in English in a squeaky girly voice was TOO MUCH to handle! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Eiji

And OMG TEZUKA. Ochibi already had a girly voice, but Tezuka?

Don't let your guard down, squeaks Tezuka.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm so glad you uploaded this oishi!

Momo

This was pretty funny… lmao listen to Kaido's fushhhh sounds like a little girl's fart.

Kaido

Your "DON" was so high the window cracked.

Momo

At least I didn't sound like a dying snake

Kaido

WHAT? Okay then, let's have a rematch.

Oishi

Guys, I don't think inhaling so much helium is good for your brain…

Momo

Doesn't matter, kaido is already stupid as a rock

Kaido

You're the one whose brain farts everytime you look at the blackboard in class!

Momo

You sound like a brain fart everytime you open you mouth.

Eiji

HOI HOI HOI I sounded like a chibi Santa! NYAA

Gakuto

Laaamee I can't believe you guys are so bad at English. What do they teach you at your school?

Atobe

Ryoma, you speak fluent English, but that doesn't make up for your teammates' lack of ability to speak other languages. My teammates all know how to speak English, French, and Chinese. Hyotei Academy prides itself on its spectacular humanities curriculum. Of course, we're top notch in the sciences as well. Right, Kabaji?

Kabaji

Usu.

Ryoma

This was such a waste of time… do you guys even remember what I taught you?

Momo

Fcuk you.

HAHAHAHAHA I REMEMBERED!

Ryoma

…

Kaido

Trust momo for remembering only the swear words.

Momo

Let's see what you got VIPER.

Kaido

You have a long way to go.

Momo

Huh?

Kaido

Mada mada dane

Momo

Dude why are you copying echizen.

Ryoma

Good job kaido senpai you remembered what I taught you and applied it well.

Momo, mada mada dane.

Momo

…fcuk you guys

Eiji

MOMO STFU NYA

Eiji

Err… to oishi and scouters and siblings, that means sincerely thinking friendship with you.

To momo, it means STFU nya!

Momo

…fcuk you

Tezuka

Guys, don't let your guard down.

Tachibana

Tezuka, this is such a good group bonding exercise, learning English! Can we borrow ryoma sometime to strengthen fudomine's group bonds?

Ryoma

…no

Tezuka

Ryoma, you must be the pillar of Seigaku!

Ryoma

…hai buchou…

Kamio

Tachibana buchou, I already know how to speak English! English is my rhythm yo!

Shinji

I know how to speak English as well. I don't know why we have to borrow that freshman from our rival school just so we can learn group bonding. We can just learn English ourselves. What they did was stupid anyway. Inhaling helium in order to sound funny? That doesn't sound funny at all. I don't want to sound like a four year old version of myself. I don't even want to remember what I was like when I was four years old. I don't want to sound like a girl. I perfectly like my voice. It's very soothing to listen to. I like the sound of my voice. I don't want to inhale helium and poison my brain.

Kamio

Shinji we all know you like the sound of your voice. Now shut up and feel the rhythm, hm?

Fuji

I think we should all hang each other sometime to improve our bonds.

Kamio

…EH?

Yuuta

Aniki, what are you saying…

Kirihara

AHHHHHHHH HE'S GOING TO KILL US ALL

Mizuki

He only wants to kill me, don't be so conceited Kirihara

Kirihara

Do I know you? Stop copying my look retard.

Mizuki

… must come up with more training methods to beat Rikkaidai

Saeki

Fuji, did something happen to Yuuta again?

Yuuta

NO! Nothing happened!

Saeki

Then why did Fuji just say he wants to hang us all.

Kirihara

BECAUSE HE'S A PSYCHO THAT'S WHY

Atobe

Hmm… I'm pretty sure that Fuji meant "we should all hang out with each other." Tsk tsk ryoma, your English must not be so good after all, right kabaji?

Kabaji

Usu

Ryoma

I taught them right. They're the ones who weren't listening. Mada mada dane monkey king.

Fuji

Ah, sorry echizen. I left a word out of the sentence. I actually meant "we should all go hang each other."

Ryoma

…really

Kirihara

MOMMMYYYY I DON'T WANT TO DIE…

Yuuta

Aniki…

Saeki

Hahaha fuji's funny as always

Jirou

Looooooooooooooooooooool

Tezuka

Don't let your guard down.


	10. Boxers or Briefs?

Boxers or briefs?

* * *

><p><strong>f a c e b o o k<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Momo Takashi<strong>

**Recent Activity**

Momo answered _Boxers or Briefs?_ question with boxers.

151 people like this

Like Comment

* * *

><p>Kaido<p>

WTF? No one wants to know what your underwear preferences are, stupid. Keep it in your pants.

Momo

Viper, just because you like to wear pink strawberry polka dotted briefs doesn't mean everyone else likes to. You're just insecure.

Kaido

THAT WAS ONLY ONE TIME! !#$!#!$!#!#!$

Eiji

LMAOOOOOO KAIDO LIKES TO WEAR PINK STRAWBERRY POLKA DOTTED BRIEFS NYA.

Ryoma

…I'm disturbed senpai.

Fuji

Don't worry Kaido, I like to wear pink briefs too. Sometimes I don't even wear underwear.

Kaido

…okay?

Yuuta

TMI aniki, TMI

Momo

I'm forever scarred.

Takashi

REAL MEN WEAR BOXERS. BURNING!

Inui

Studies show that 65% women between the age of 18 to 34 prefer men to wear boxers. The rest of the women prefer briefs, boxer briefs, or don't care.

Renji

There's 100 percent chance that Inui prefers briefs. Right Inui?

Inui

Astute observation Renji. Yes, I'm indeed a briefs guy. There's a 100 percent chance that Renji likes to wear boxer briefs.

Renji

Yes you're right Inui. Spot on as usual.

Tezuka

I didn't know that Inui. I thought you didn't wear underwear. Since you like to show off your naked butt cheeks so often.

Kirihara

Jeez they only know that about each other because they sleep together.

Marui

Gag

Jackal

Uh I wonder what kirihara means by that

Inui

100 percent chance kirihara meant sleeping together in the perverted sense. And no we don't.

Renji

Obviously. There's only a 50 percent chance that we're in that kind of relationship.

Inui

We did have occasional sleepovers, but they were slumber parties. SLUMBER PARTIES.

Momo

Ew. Men don't have slumber parties. Maybe you guys really are in that kind of relationship.

Eiji

What are you talking about Momo, oishi and I always have slumber parties! Right oishi?

Oishi

Yeah! I love our slumber parties!

Momo

… no comment.

Sengoku

I'll only want to go to a slumber party if there are girls there too! Wish I were lucky enough to be invited to one.

Momo

sengoku stop stalking me

Sengoku

I'm not stalking you! I also answered the question with boxers! I have a pair of lucky boxers that I always wear whenever I have a tennis match or when I want to score with a girl. They're black with red dinosaurs. Girls think they're sexy.

David

Of course you wear boxers. You're a boxer! Pfft.

Bane

Lame.

Sengoku

Yeah. But it's mostly for the girls too.

Akutsu

Geez keep it in your pants sengoku. No one wants to know how many times you did it.

Kawamura

Sengoku is a REAL MAN! BURNING

Momo

Which furthers the point that real men wear boxers. Which means that Kaido isn't one.

Kaido

I DO WEAR BOXERS.

Momo

If you're talking about your pokemon boxer collection, you don't even wear them.

Eiji

Kaido has a pokemon boxer collection? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oishi

Momo how do you even know that?

Momo

I saw them when I went to his house for a group project. I think he had one for every pokemon.

Kaido

YOU'RE WRONG!

Kaido

I'm missing Rayquaza and Milotic.

Eiji

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO. KAIDO COLLECTS BOXERS EVEN THOUGH HE WEARS BRIEFS WITH PINK STRAWBERRIES.

Kaido

That was only one time! I had no other clean underwear!

Eiji

SUREEEEE.

Gakuto

I bet Eiji's a briefs guy.

Eiji

EW gakuto why r u here? And no I'm not. I love boxers. Oishi likes briefs.

Oshitari

…And how do you know that.

Eiji

Because we have slumber parties. DUH

Oishi

Eiji, you didn't have to tell the whole world that I wear briefs.

Fuji

Don't worry, wearing briefs means we're comfortable with our masculinity. We briefs need to stick together.

Kirihara

I bet Yukimura wears briefs. Seems all the girly guys wear briefs.

Sanada

How dare you disrespect our captain Kirihara!

Kirihara

And sanada's obviously a boxers.

Renji

No, there's a 99 percent chance Sanada wears a loincloth, the traditional samurai underwear, since he descended from a samurai family.

Marui

That's so stone age…

Sanada

No comment.

Atobe

Sanada maybe I should assist you in the department. I don't want my tango playing colleague to be wearing primitive underwear in this day and age. Should I refer you to the underwear department of my department store? Calvin Klein boxer briefs are my preference. You seem to be more of a boxers type like Kabaji is. Right Kabaji?

Kabaji

Usu.

Sanada

No Atobe I don't need your help in selecting underwear. I am very comfortable with my current underwear choices. Thanks.

Atobe

If you say so. It's just that underwear is crucial to high level performance in a lot of areas such as tennis, tango, fencing, fishing, and of course, sex. Right Kabaji

Kabaji

Usu.

Marui

:O he said the s word!

Jackal

He did!

Yagyuu

Gentlemen should not mention that.

Niou

Niou stop pretending to be me and give me back my facebook account.

Oshitari

Atobe probably already lost his v card.

Atobe

Obviously. I'm not like you guys who are going to grow up to be forty year old virgins.

Kirihara  
>Who cares, I'd rather be a world class tennis player when I'm forty.<p>

Atobe

You must wear briefs.

Kirihara

HEY. AND NO I DON'T. I wear boxers like normal guys do.

Fuji

Kirihara, are you calling me abnormal?

Kirihara

mmph

Tachibana

It's okay Fuji. Some people have horrible taste in underwear. I like to wear boxer briefs myself.

Kamio

Really buchou? I thought you were a boxers type like me!

Ann

No he really likes Calvin Klein boxer briefs. He has like fifty of them.

Kamio

ANN! Why are you here?

Ann

Just wondering what all the girls on fb were so excited about… turns out it's just a bunch of guys talking about their underwear.

Shinji

I don't know why everyone's so obsessed with underwear. They're just underwear. Who cares if you wear boxers or briefs or loincloths? They all serve the same purpose, which is shielding your balls from other balls. As long as you're wearing some sort of underwear you should be fine. I like to wear briefs but so what? I don't understand why people like boxers so much, I don't get it. Is it because they think girls like boxers more? Is it because they're easier to take off? That makes no sense. I don't care what I'm wearing as long as it protects my balls. Period.

Kamio

Word.

Aoi

I don't know what he just said, but YAY BRIEFS.

Saeki

I'm more of a boxers guy myself. They fit my good looking cool image better.

David

What underwear do boxers wear? Boxers duh! PFFT

Bane

…you already used that one…

David

I'm a boxer because I wear boxers! Pfft

Bane

GAH

David

Jeez, don't get your boxers in a bunch. Pfft.

Aoi

Ooh I like that one.

Momo

I'm going to use that whenever Kaido is pissed off. Except I'll have to say "don't get your pink strawberry briefs in a bunch"

Kaido

THAT WAS ONLY ONE TIME

Momo

Don't get your pink strawberry panties in a twist!

Eiji

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA NOW KAIDO WEARS PANTIES.

Kaido

I'm going to go kill Momo now.

Momo

Okay, you can strangle me with your panties in my sleep.

Kaido

I'LL DO THAT.

Ryoma

Guys shut up. So annoying.

Momo

Look whose panties are in a twist.

Ryoma

… I wear boxers.

Momo

HAHAHAHA I KNEW THAT. I just wanted YOU to say that. Now all your fangirls are going to stalk you and try to take pictures of you half naked.

Ryoma

Who cares. I'm hot.

Momo

Um. Wow. Cocky much?

Atobe

Please echizen. No one wants to see you in your underwear. Every day I have fans trying to climb up to my bedroom on the fifth floor of my mansion to see me take off my clothes. If someone's hot, it's me. Right Kabaji?

Kabaji

Usu.

Inui

98 percent of fans from age 12 to 16 say echizen is hotter than atobe. 71 percent of fans from 17 to 21 say atobe is hotter than echizen. 100 percent of fans from age 16 to 26 say Shiraishi is hotter than both of you and want to have sex with him.

Atobe

Who the hell is Shiraishi?

Shiraishi

Me. Mhm ecstasy

Atobe

This is blasphemy.

Renji

Statistics show that girls like guys who are high. They are supposedly better in bed.

Atobe

No one rivals me in sexual prowess.

Shiraishi

My moves give women ecstasy. I wrote the bible for sex.

Atobe

I bet you wear briefs.

Shiraishi

Nah, I don't believe in wearing underwear most of the time. Too many layers.

Atobe

How primitive.

Shiraishi

Hey, I'm the one with a gold arm. I'm way more expensive than you are.

Atobe

Please. No one knows your name.

Shiraishi

Jesus was unappreciated but now he has billions of followers. I am the bible.

Atobe

That was after he was crucified. Your posthumous fame exceeds you.

Shiraishi

Fact it Atobe, I'm the perfect man.

Atobe

You're so middle class.

Shiraishi

Girls these days don't dig rich males.

Atobe

I'm better than you in tennis.

Shiraishi

Oh really? But my tennis is perfect.

Atobe

My tennis exceeds all limitations. I am BEYOND perfect.

Momo

Um excuse me while I interrupt this battle of egos, but can you take this somewhere else before I unfriend you two for spamming me?

Atobe

We'll have to conclude the battle of the hot guys some other time I presume.

Shiraishi

Sure. Any time.

Eiji

Why do girls always want to have sex with the guys with big egos nya?

Saeki

Because we have bigger balls.

Eiji  
>That makes no sense because what about OCHIBI.<p>

Ryoma

Hey.

Ryoma

I may be vertically challenged but I'm not horizontally challenged.

Momo

Are we now talking about the size of our shticks? Because my shtick's way bigger than yours OCHIBI.

Ryoma

I'm the prince of tennis.

Momo

SO WHAT B1TCH.

Ryoma

I'm the prince of whacking my balls in and scoring.

Momo

… when you say it like that…

Ryoma

Mada mada dane.

* * *

><p>AN: HAHA. REVIEWWW!


	11. Momo Takeshi

**f a c e b o o k**

* * *

><p><strong>Momo Takeshi<strong>

Studies at Seishun Academy

Lives in Tokyo, Japan

From Tokyo, Japan

Knows Japanese

Born on July 23

* * *

><p><strong>Education and Work<strong>

High School Seishun Academy

* * *

><p><strong>Philosophy<strong>

Favorite Quotations

Don.

* * *

><p><strong>Sports<strong>

Sports I Play Tennis

Basketball

* * *

><p><strong>Activities and Interests<strong>

Activities

Tennis Basketball Listening to Music Eating

Interests

Tennis Basketball Food Music Playing sensory games

Other

Seishun Academy

All Star Junior Tennis League

McDonalds

Momofuku

Nom nom.

Karupin

* * *

><p><span>Favorite Music<span>

The Beatles, Coldplay, Muse, Arcade Fire, The Strokes, Usher, Japanese rock, rap, pop

Favorite Books

Slam Dunk, Ashita no Joe

Favorite Movies

Fight Club

* * *

><p><strong>Basic Information<strong>

About Me

Don.

Relationship Status It's Complicated

Sex Male

Interested in Women

* * *

><p><strong>Networks<strong>

Seishun Academy

All Star Junior Tennis League

* * *

><p><strong>Contact Information<strong>

momoyoyo

.com/momoyoyo

* * *

><p><strong>Friends (1037)<strong>

Shuichiro Oishi

Shusuke Fuji

Ryoma Echizen

Sadaharu Inui

Kaoru Kaido

Eiji Kikumaru

Takashi Kawamura

Kunimitsu Tezuka

Kamio Akira

See more…

* * *

><p><strong>Photos (1412)<strong>

**Tagged Photos (12515)**

**Profile Pictures (8)**

**Videos (7)**

**Tagged videos (231)**

* * *

><p><strong>Recent Activity<strong>

**Momo Takeshi** Ask me anything! .me/momoyoyo

September 1 10:42 pm

81 people like this

Like Comment

**Kamio**

why do you have formspring? you already have twitter and tumblr...

**Momo**

Ask me on my formspring!

**Itsuki**

why? why?

**Momo**

...ask me smart questions

**Kaidoh**

like why are you so stupid?

**Momo**

I knew that was you! too much of a coward to ask me without being anonymous about it?

**Kaidoh**

no I'm just not stupid enough to get a formspring.

**Momo**

Formspring's not stupid!

**Ryoma**

where's my rubik's cube?

**Momo**

too late, I'm not answering any more questions!

**Ryoma**

wow you had it for like five minutes and got tired of it. mada mada dane **  
><strong>


	12. Fuji Shuusuke

**f a c e b o o k**

* * *

><p><strong>Fuji Syuusuke<strong>

Studies at Hyotei Academy

Lives in Tokyo, Japan

From Tokyo, Japan

Knows Japanese, English

Born on February 29

* * *

><p><strong>Education and Work<strong>

High School Seishun Academy

* * *

><p><strong>Philosophy<strong>

Favorite Quotations

I like to watch other people suffer… Just kidding.

Protect the people you love.

Love and Peace.

* * *

><p><strong>Sports<strong>

Sports I Play Tennis

* * *

><p><strong>Activities and Interests<strong>

Activities

Tennis, billiards, photography

Interests

Tennis, billiards, photography, cacti

* * *

><p><strong>Favorite Music<strong>

Classical music

Favorite Movies

Seven Samurai Princess Mononoke The Last Samurai

Favorite People

Hayao Miyazaki Akira Kurosawa Gandhi Mother Theresa

* * *

><p><span>Other<span>

Cacti Club

All Star Junior Tennis League

Seishun Academy

Love and Peace

* * *

><p><strong>Basic Information<strong>

About Me

All's fair in love and peace.

Relationship Status Single

Sex Male

Interested in Women

* * *

><p><strong>Networks<strong>

Seishun Academy

All Star Junior Tennis League

* * *

><p><strong>Contact Information<strong>

Fujiapples

.com/fujiapples

* * *

><p><strong>Friends (952)<strong>

**Photos (2412)**

**Tagged Photos (1961)**

**Profile Pictures (13)**

**Videos (6)**

**Tagged videos (172)**

* * *

><p><strong>Recent activity<strong>

Fuji Syuusuke uploaded a photo album.

**All Star Junior Tennis Camp 2011**

August 23**  
><strong>

252 people like this

Like Comment

Yuuta

Wow some of these pictures look so professional!

Fuji

I was trying out my new camera. It works wonders.

Momo

Lmao look at that picture of echizen falling on his face. U suck at beach volleyball

Ryoma

Whatever. I'm still better at tennis than you are.

Momo

wow u always bring tennis into everything

Ryoma

because I'm the prince of tennis.

Atobe

Fuji, I'm thinking of hiring you as my professional photographer. That picture of me with my hair being blown by the wind, I must have it so I can blow it up for my room. Can you send me the original file? Send it to my email address .

Fuji

Sure Atobe. :)

Saeki

Damn, u have a job already?


	13. Valentine's Day

**Chapter 17: Valentine's Day**

* * *

><p>News Feed<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Eiji Kikumaru<strong>

I'm so happy, I got so much chocolate today! Happy V Day everyone!

4 likes

Comments

Momo

Are you sure you didn't buy them yourself?

Eiji  
>That's so meaaan, of course I didn't…<p>

Momo

I bet Oishi gave you them.

Eiji

Only the chocolate covered strawberries…And I baked the cake.

Momo

Give me some I'm so hungry right now  
>Eiji<p>

NOOOOOOO get your own.

Momo

You're such a chocolate whore…

Eiji

You're a manwhore.

Momo

For the last time that's a misnomer!

Eiji

Stop hogging all the chocolate fondue and using it to dip other things besides bananas and German sausages in

Momo

Senpai's perverted…

Inui

What creative food thinking Momo, I need to add that to my data book!

Fuji

By the way Inui, I loved your chocolate drink, I think I tasted wasabi and shiitake?

Momo

GROSS.

Eiji

You should drink it Momo, it's an aphrodisiac.

Momo

I already have an afro already, remember Halloween?

Oishi

Aphrodisiac, not afro

Momo

…?

Ryoma

Get a dictionary.

* * *

><p><strong>Kirihara Akaya<strong>

This holiday is for people who suck at tennis. Love is for losers.

1 like

Comments

Nio

Someone's bitter that he didn't get any chocolate…

Jackal

I liked your status out of pity.

Kirihara

You guys don't have girlfriends either, so shut up and don't pity like me.

Nio

But then no one will like you.

Marui

I LOVE VALENTINE'S DAY! 3 3 3

Jackal

He's been eating candy nonstop for three hours already

Kirihara

I'm still confused as to why girls think this weak pink haired bubblegum freak is more attractive than I am.

Marui

Jealous?

Kirihara

No because I'm better at tennis.

Yagyuu

Yeah guys so what if seaweed head ends up a forty year old virgin…

Kirihara

We'll be forty year old virgins together, right Sanada?

Marui

Dude, he has a girlfriend.

Kirihara

WHAT? When did this happen?

Marui

Like two months ago, it's on his facebook.

Kirihara

Damn she's hot. I can't believe this. WHY AM I SINGLE?!

Sanada

Stop facebook stalking my girlfriend. That's an order.

Kirihara

BUT WHY IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND SO HOT?! Wait, she kind of looks like Yukimura…

Yukimura

Thank you.

Marui

That's because she's his younger sister lol

Kirihara

WHAT. How did that happen.

Sanada

Stop looking through all our pictures.

Kirihara

It's your fault, WHY DO YOU GUYS HAVE SO MANY PICTURES TOGETHER.

Yagyuu

/forever alonememe

Kirihara

/mymiddlefingerandyourass

* * *

><p><strong>Sengoku<strong>

LUCKYYYY I got so much chocolate today! LOVE YOU GIRLS 3

12 likes

* * *

><p><strong>Tezuka<strong>

Someone gave me a Valentine's Day card that said "If only you were a tree so I can lick you all day long." … Keep your guard up.

153 people like this.

Atobe

You would.

Momo

Priceless.

Fuji

That sounds like a Japanese proverb.

Eiji

What does that even mean? Why tree and not lollipop. Sounds like a dog gave you this.

Inui

Beware rabies.

Echizen

Mada mada dane.


	14. Tennis playing sex machines

Chapter 14:

Tennis playing sex machines

* * *

><p>Shiraishi Kuranosuke<p>

People, for the LAST time, my arm's not made of gold, I don't have the golden touch, I'm not the third brother in full metal alchemist, I can't do alchemy, I'm not a cyborg, I don't smoke pot, I'm not a sex machine, I'm not gay, I'm not Jesus… get your facts straights, fans.

Co**mments **

Oshitari Kenya

Is that so? I could have sworn otherwise.

Zaizen Hikaru

It would have been funnier if you were all those things…

Oshitari Kenya

I'm definitely sure you smoke something though. You're too Zen not to be on drugs.

Shiraishi

No that would be Zaizen. That's why he laughs whenever I say "Ahh ecstasy…" group mentality

Zaizen

For the last time, I did NOT laugh at that, it wasn't even funny.

Konjiki

Dude you're so boring. Be more like our captain. He engages in bro-sex.

Shiraishi

I still don't know where people get that from.

Konjiki

It's cuz you're like the offspring of the elric brothers… half machine half blonde. Hence, bro-sex!

Shiraishi

Do you see my hair? Get new glasses.

Gin

Your hair just turned gray too early that's all…

Shiraishi

No…if anyone, that would be tezuka

Tezuka

I always keep my guard up when it comes to my health, so no.

Momo

Um… that's a lie.

Oishi

Yeah Tezuka, did you totally forget about the whole fiasco with your injury?! You had to get rehab…

Shiraishi

Lol tezuka your memory's going too, you old geezer

Tezuka

…

Tezuka

That was a long time ago, I'm healthy now.

Echizen

If you're healthy, why do I still have to be your crutch?

Eiji

OUR BUCHOU, so fragile…

Kirihara

Not as much as our captain, Yukimura.

Eiji

That guy doesn't count. He's not even human.

Aoi

I for one do not understand the gimmick of having captains acquire debilitating and lethal injuries and diseases. I'm glad I'm healthy and can continue to play tennis for the rest of my life.

Saeki

Be careful, you might jinx it.

Momo

The god of tennis will come and get you…

Momo

Don't worry Aoi, you're not popular enough with the girls for something bad to happen to you.

Aoi

That's reassuring…

Zaizen

DIE DIE DIE

Shiraishi

What?

Zaizen

Oh sorry guys, my nephew stole my smartphone for a moment.

Shiraishi

Wait, you have a nephew?

Zaizen

Yeah…

Shiraishi

How old is your brother to be married already..

Zaizen

He's… old… enough…

Eiji

LOL guys can you imagine us being married and having kids? I feel like we're going to be hs studnets forever!

Oishi

Be realistic Eiji, we're not going to be in hs playing varsity tennis forever

Momo

I don't know man… sometimes I feel like we're tennis playing machines and all we do is play tennis

Kaidoh

Yeah, I don't know where you get that from.

Inui

I can make an immortality time stopping drink for you guys if you want to keep on playing hs tennis for the rest of your life.

Momo

NO THANKS

Atobe

Some of us want to move on to the next level, and go to Wimbledon and the French open. Ne kabaji?

Kabaji

Usu!

Eiji

Oishi, I wish we could play hs tennis forever now…

Oishi

There's always college!

Kawamura

I'm going to take over my dad's sushi shop after high school, so, yeah…

Echizen

I'm going to play tennis for the rest of my life, because I'm the prince of tennis.

Fuji

Me too, I love tennis

Momo

I will always love tennis… though I like basketball too.

Eiji

Aww you guys…

Shiraishi

Why are you guys crying on my facebook page…

Zaizen

You really are a cold blooded machine made of metal.

Shiraishi

…whatever.


	15. Metaphors and Megalomania

** k**

* * *

><p><strong>Yukimura Seiichi<strong>

Studies at Rikkadai Academy

Lives in Tokyo, Japan

Born on March 5

* * *

><p><strong>Education and work<strong>

High school

Rikkadai Academy

**Likes**

Beautification Committee

Gardening

Poetry

Watercolour painting

Cricket

Renoir

**About me**

I like healthy people…

I am the Child of God…

I don't talk about other people behind their back.

Contact information

Yukimores

* * *

><p><strong>Yukimura Seiichi<strong>

Hi everyone, I'm in the hospital again… brb…

Comments

Sanada

... again? You need to do something about your chronic health issues, they're seriously interrupting your flow

Yanagi

There's a 99 percent chance that these health issues are never going to be resolved but will continue into his adulthood. For more information, please consult the Wikipedia entry file on Yukimura's ongoing health problems that never really affect his tennis playing abilities but just really account for why he mysteriously disappears from the show and is MIA 99 percent of the time.

Yukimura

Guys… it's not my fault…

Ryoma

Yes it is.

Yukimura

You know you want me

Ryoma

Ew.

Ryoma

I shall creatively wrinkle my nose in disgust

Sanada

Isn't that your default facial expression

Ryoma  
>I'm just copying you<p>

Sanada

Goddamn echizen, why do you have to be so annoyingly cocky and bratty 88 percent of the time.

Ryoma

It's my hamartia, I'm entitled to one too, if not more, due to the fact I'm a prince…

Karupin

: ( I'm jelly of your hamartia meow

Ryoma

Don't worry karupin, you will always be priority number one in my heart

Sanada

Which you don't even have.

Momo

No he does, it's just on the right side and eight times smaller than the regular heart's

Yanagi

Echizen has dextrocardia? The Professor did not know about this. What about you DoC?

Inui

Our data is insufficient.

Echizen

Momo's just bsing, I don't have a heart defect.

Momo

He has a brain defect called narcissistic personality disorder

Echizen

Momo has something called "my libido forces me to have sexually explicit relationships with every person, animal, and object that bears a miniscule resemblance to food" syndrome

Momo

You're the one who was making out with my bowl of ramen! Where's my money ho?

Echizen

Yen is irrelevant in this facebook exchange and you're the ho, ho.

Kirihara

Guys, our captain is dying and you're talking about food and money? Have some fcuking empathy!

Kamio

HA.

Momo

HA.

Ann

Good one, I almost fell off my chair

Fuji

The irony of that statement almost made me wet my bedding. Shall I school you again in the arts of giving two shits about actual humanity, again, Kirihara?

Yuuta

Yeah bro, sweep him like a broom, leave him in the dust, you got this in the plastic baggy, take that nihilistic piece of continental irregularity in the backyard and wrap him up, sonny.

Kirihara

What?

It's ok fuji I don't want to be extinct.

Kamio

What a lady.

Yukimura

I approve. Now can you guys get off my fb, I say this with well employed bona fide, I need to rest.

Echizen

My princess needs her beauty sleep

Yagyuu

How gentlemanly, I approve.

Momo

What a good boy friend you are, echizen, I shall raise my hand in approval at your gentle fcuking ways

Kaidoh

That's your middle finger you're holding up, stupid

Momo

And it's covered with your venomous saliva, viper. OH BURN

Kaidoh

:(

Kamio

Kinky, gals

Tachibana

Yukimura, my bed is right next to yours in the ward, and you are not sleeping. You're reading a book on kama sutra.

Kirihara

Whoa, isn't that book laden with a ton of sexual metaphors? Like, extremely unnecessarily so?

Yukimura

Sanada bought this for me on his and Jackal's Buddhism retreat to India… said it would help with my religious confusion.

Sanada

Some monks recommended it to me, said it helps with achieving enlightenment, in the tennis sense.

Yanagi

I manually can't imagine how it would, though. Do you even know what kama sutra is?

Inui

Google it.

Sanada

… oh. Must have misheard. Freudian slip.

Jackal

Very tenuous association there, cap, told you so

Kirihara

You smexy thug, Jackal

Yagyuu

As opposed to me? I'm offended.

Jackal

It's because I'm black and ghetto.

Yagyuu

I thought that was just your natural tan skin tone.

Jackal

Was that a sarcastic quip? I don't appreciate that.

Inui

Taxes in Hokkaido on the middle class have risen by 0.01 percent for the month of May.

Inui

Oh sorry I thought I was on the international economist discussion forum.

Momo

NICE TROLL

Marui

Hey guys, I'm going to visit Yukimura, who wants to come with me? Bring lots of candy and chocolate…

Jackal

I'll come right up!

Sanada

The weather's too hot for that, let's just get him ice cream, I'll drive.

Marui

Ice cream in tow, sure as say!

Tachibana

No guys don't, I'm still next to Yukimura in the hospital ward, and he and echizen are BSing as per usual.

Jackal

And that's code for…?

Kirihara

dear god, another sexual metaphor?

Yanagi

Technically, all metaphors are sexual, inherently, by law.

Inui

Your meta observation momentarily aroused me, Professor. Please continue.

Yanagi

Sure thing. Want to Skype about it?

Inui

Skippy.

Momo

Ugh stop Inui why do you get so out of character whenever you're with your childhood best friend/lover/erotic fixation/fellow cosplayer/foil/alter ego/doubles partner?

Inui

Because… chinchilla?

Yanagi

Bonobo.

Inui

Boner

Yanagi

vasodilatory chlamydia.

Inui

That's nasty, but I like that.

Momo

Now you guys are messing around with my head. Get back to your doubles.

Eiji

Don't hate on doubles momo or you're really a man ho.

Oishi

Yeah stop being such a Manchu, momo.

Momo

… whatever guys

Momo

I'm too manatee for all of you.

Momo

Especially for kaidoh's vertigo.

Kaidoh

sssshhhh.

Yukimura

Guys stop… I got like 100 notifications after I finished discussing positions with Echizen.

Yukimura

Ah whatever I don't care. I think my debilitating illness and this sexually profane manual have rendered me in an ungodly state of apathy about the state of my fb.

Sanada

I'm sorry Yukimura, we'll try to be better for you and make up for your absence.

Echizen

You guys still have a long way to go, unlike me.

Nanjiroh

Good job son!

Echizen

Dad, why are you even here. Go read your porn mags.

Nanjiroh

Ok, I'll just leave you on top of things.

Atobe

This facebook conversation took up the entire newsfeed, and none of my fans had any time to see the pictures I posted of my vacation in Monaco… You guys need to learn how to stop dragging your conversations with non sequiturs. Right, Kabaji?

Kabaji

Usu.

Tezuka

Keep your guard up, captains

Sanada

Rikkaidai is too cool of a cucumber for that, didn't you know Tezuka?

Tezuka

I don't, Gandalf.

Momo

I think captain just made a joke.

Eiji

And it was simply magical.

Yukimura

Is this real? Don't know if this is a dream or if it's just the meds.

Echizen

both. because I'm the panacea for you.

Yukimura

that's so...sweet...

Momo

what happened to ochibi...

Eiji

it's called love at fifteen.

Momo

I don't think I was like that when I was fifteen...

Kaidoh

that's because you always look thirty.

Momo

Well you look like a shriveled senile gym rat who drinks blood, viper.

Kaidoh

calling me a vampire? it's on JACOB.

Momo

ooh i'm so scared.

Momo

why am I jacob, you think you're edward

Momo

I'm obviously edward

Momo

gawd

Echizen

No I am. I'm the best of everything.

Momo

Inui, please direct ochibi to the medical entry on megalomania. I hope it's not contagious.

* * *

><p>AN

some people wanted some echizen in a bl relationship. so here's the bl. :)


	16. Fantastic Creatures

Chapter 16:

Fantastic creatures

Ryoma Echizen

Momo convinced me to get twitter… twitter handle is princeoftennis. Follow me…

Comments

Momo

Wow so original echizen. You should have picked ochibi or foodklepto or romeo

Momo

Or better yet kamasutra since you and yukimura are obsessed with that book

Echizen

Those were actually all chosen. I just picked the one that described me the best.

Eiji

OCHIBI got TWITTER? The world must be ending. My handle is eijicat, follow me

Inui

thedoctorscientist

Kamio

I don't understand twitter handles… why do they call it handles?

Momo

Cuz the internet can't HANDLE our tweets, duh.

Kamio

The internet can't handle your calf implants either, pfft.

Momo

THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET.

Kamio

Nothing is a secret when the internet's involved. The whole world knows about your little upgrade.

Kaidoh

Wow momo, you might as well have got an emasculation procedure done as well. Calf implants? Unlike yours, mine are real, sshhh.

Momo

You should get brain implants, you're so dumb you can't stop imitating a snake. Bet you eat eggs whole and with the shell too.

Eiji

Ew!

Kaidoh

Raw eggs are good for your muscles. Maybe you should try them, oh wait, you don't have muscles you have IMPLANTS.

Kaidoh

Why don't you get breast implants while you're at it, you can be a porn star then.

Momo

Shut up.

Kamio

Hey momo, you got a tight ass, why don't you get ass implants.

Momo

You shouldn't be talking, everyone knows you wear shoulder pads to look bulkier. Like, ladies' shoulder pads.

Kamio

I DO NOT.

Tachibana

No, you really do… we all saw your shoulder pads in the locker room.

Kamio

I can't help my slight built!

Momo

You're like an oompha loompha son.

Shiraishi

Hey, speaking of oompha loomphas did you guys know that oompha loompas serve as proxies for people with STDs to have intercourse with each other because oompha loompas can't contract STDs? So it's like, oompha loomphas have sex with each other, and people get "pleasured" vicariously through them. I think there's a tube involved.

Momo

What the fcuk? How the fcuk?

Sengoku

Willy wonka is a magician to enslave these magical creatures.

Shiraishi

You don't even need a hand to Fcuk Antarctic Penguins anymore, oompha loomphas would do it for you. They're geniuses at **Fcuking Arctic Penguins**. It's good because the northern hemisphere has banned "**Fcuking Arctic Penguins**" since the Stone Age, as part of the animal rights movement started by the hunter gatherer Cro Magnons. You won't get into trouble if you "**Fcuk Antarctic Penguins**" by proxy. Oompha Loomphas actually love it, fornicating with penguins actually does something to your metabolism so you can survive in cool climates wearing nothing but a loincloth made of steel. The oompha loomphas came from a warm climate so it's really good for them. And all the people who don't have excess fat to warm themselves during the winter time want to have this super thermal shield, so by paying oompha loomphas to "Fcuk Arctic Penguins," they can get away with wearing nothing but a tank top that says "I like to F.A.P" (Fcuk Artic Penguins)

Shiraishi

It's not limited to penguins either. Oompha Loomphas has a whole sector dedicated to "**Feeding Asian Pandas**" too, which is really popular, because Asian love pandas and always want to do stuff like feed them, but they can't, because that would domesticate the pandas… and we're trying to breed them out of captivity, so feeding them is actually outlawed…

Momo

That sounds awesome, dude. How can I sign up?

Shiraishi

Just tweet to willywonka with hashtag FAP and willy wonka will send you an oompha loompha right away. But wait, there's actually something called a NO FAP month, because oompha loomphas need breaks too (they don't run on electricity like we do), and you have to watch out for that because if you hashtag FAP during NO FAP month, willy wonka will make YOU an oompha loompha and make you work without holidays. Can you believe that?

Momo

Dude, how do you know all of this?

Shiraishi

I work for Animal Rights Confederation of Senior Citizens. They're really into FAP. And Oompha Loompha rights, because they're technically a kind of Protected Animal.

Momo

Man I want to join, I need a job.

Shiraishi

There's actually a position available as band manager of the Oompha Loompha Band, Opium Caucus, if you're interested.

Momo

That sounds mad cool. Weird name though, can't we change it? And what kind of music do they play?

Shiraishi

Well, oompha loomphas like a variety of music, they play a lot of folk music, tribal tunes, you know? But they sometimes do EDM, they got a sick deejay playing for them called VJ Papilloma, recent song, "I'd Hit That" that is arranged to the tunes of "timber" by pitbull and "Turn down for what" by lil jon.

Shiraishi

And can't change the name, oompha loomphas are very passionate about their opium business, and their democratic 1 ½ party system. It makes up the essence of who they are.

Momo

Well I'm still interested in applying, shoot me an email or something about who to talk to. Thanks man!

Shiraishi

No problem.

Echizen

What just happened…

A/N: Got inspired by news that Fantastic creatures by JK rowling is coming out as a movie. Running out of ideas though, my creative juices are kind of staunched by school though it's a good break now and then, kind of liberating. Probably ending this fic soon, I'm getting kind of not interested in the whole social media thing. I might be moving on to bigger and better things, like satirical news. So this is the end for now. It's been good.


End file.
